I really do love the freeflow in this poem and the poem left me wondering "why can't she be loved"
Though the theme is sad the imagery is somehow so beautiful to me

well done

First, I'll admit I liked the poem. There's something about it and I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the form you split the lines in, and the slight run on or the non-existance of a million filler words that hold back the emotion. Except: I wasn't a fan of the question written in it. Once pretty much halted the floor and the extras just threw me off and I wanted to read over it but didn't. Probably because Why Cna't she be loved is the only question in the poem. I like the title but think it would have been better kept from the rest of the poem and implied in the piece's over all message.

Hello, Cayce :)

I loved the first stanza's imagery. I've seen sparkles mixed with dust, and it's not pretty! But at the same time, you can see the shimmer beneath and a part of you still wants to pick it up, dust it off and admire the pretty glimmer. It's like painting a symbolic picture for the "she" whoever she may be.

Fog makes me think softness, because it's so easily swept away when on a hard surface. I felt like she was wiping a part of her away that kept her compassionate and loving--or maybe a guy's tearing her apart and leaving her with nothing.

Agh. Suicide imagery! I actually liked the repeating of "dream" so many times in a row. It makes it seem more ... authentic, because I mean, seriously, how often do people NOT repeat a certain word in a certain sentence a certain amount of times? :) I love the sort of irony, when there's blood and yet she feels safe.

that smile, so bright
`I felt like the comma just killed the flow by stuffing in a sort of pause. it seems unnecessary, or maybe I'm just weird.

lightening
`I think you mean lightning :)

The beauty just referred back to the lightning in my opinion. Personally, I think the sky is gorgeous when it's storming with dark clouds and lots and lots of lightning, as long as a tornado or hurricane doesn't suddenly come my way XD And I feel like, whoever she loves is the danger--or maybe love itself is that beautiful thing that harms and she knows this, but she still wonders why anyone won't risk themselves to love her!

That's my take on it anyway.
It definitely wasn't your best, but I still fancied it.

..__MiNDYY

I wouldn't say at all that this sucks. It was an awesome write. I like free verse, and how you repeated Why Cant She Be Loved?
I loved your word choice and use of metaphors. Excellent poem.

Ok this peom doesn't suck at all.. i think it is a fantastic poem and it has a lot to say. also i like the way you express emotion through this poem without being to obvious.

"Raindrops on her fingers,
feel cool against burning skin.
She smiles to herself,
that smile so bright,
the one people keep telling her
she should wear more often."
>> i think this part would be better with out the 2 last lines. i think you should fix it and not include too much detail if the poems doesn't concentrate on detail. this is because those two lines disturb the flow of your poem. also it would be easier for the reader to read it with out going back and trying to understand. other than that i think you did a wonderful job.
keep it up.

Ada
(aBSwaBHiaPL)

Ah Cayce i love it! The part that sticks out to me the most is
"Ribbons dance above,
with the clouds..
and the lightning." I think i like it so much because its mixing something that can be as disasteres as lightening with ribbons which makes me think of being young and carefree and happy. So mixing something that could be deadly with something "happy" is showing how the situation brought her a sense of happiness and clearity. (I dont know am i making sense? ha) but anyways i really like it Cayce.

I really like this poem and I think its really well written.

Sorry I sent it before I finished it. anyway, I think its full of emotions and you can feel the pain and lonliness. I really loved the first line. It really grabbed my attention. Well written. Good job.

Very very nice. There was a light, grey sadness lingering behind these words, like morning fog beneath the rising sun. I also like the abstract side of this poem, where you weaved nonsensical elements beautifully into the atmosphere and concept of this poem; especially in the first stanza, which was a soft, gorgeous opening.

This poem felt very grey, as I said before. A light, pleasant grey. The words that reinforced that feeling were: dust, wonder, fogs, sleep, dream, raindrops, and clouds. A delightful mix of both concrete and abstract.

The repetition of "Why can't she be loved?" was very well places; it created an echo in the mind of the reader.

The only thing I didn't like was the part about writing herself to sleep on a mirror. It is hard for me to imagine someone actually doing that. Also, the ending was a little weak, because none of the poem mentioned the danger of beauty beforehand.

Otherwise, very beautifully done! Keep writing!

She is. Very very much