Burning Metal

by KeyxMashingxParody   Mar 20, 2009


A deep thought has come over me:

Sitting in my room, I know
Feeling my candles inferno,
Causing silence to betray me.

This window, echos
Memories I don't think I know.

What bitterness has come?
To my eyes and ears,
My mouth and nose.

All of my senses, burning
The will in my heart is yearning,
To find a better place.

Escaping, I think is the word, voided
I cannot escape this jail, I'm chained.

This fetter has the best of me, tied
My ankles cease movement.

My lips move, nothing is known
Nothing is heard, seen, or shown.

Blinded by a light, candle
This cell is more then I can handle.

Is light truly an enemy, of mine?
The reasons I cannot find,
The metal stings my wrists.

The fetter has me again, a jail cell
Caught me off guard when I fell,
Lost all senses to the darkness.

This bitter sweet memory, of light
The dreams I could never fight,
Shadows dance as the flame sways.

Wind? Have my thoughts caused disturbance?

I blink, it's all I can do, or not do
To free myself of the sting I knew,
Could I be released?

The candle sways again, shadows move
Everywhere, like a haunting grove.

Don't look at me!!
I screamed, feeling alone
Where's my home?

Could the bitter memories,
And damp silence, in the deep darkness,
Have me bound?

I shutter, leaving cold breaths to fly around me,
Nothing is average, in my world.
My jail cell, my prison.

Sitting in my room, I know
Feeling my candles inferno,
Causing silence to betray me.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Lethmelodis

    Love this. Its just flat out dark and grim, plus I must give you props on using a mixture of two line stanzas and three line stanzas. It seems that if I don't stick to the four line, I go crazy (OCD as hell about my lines being even), so kudos for pulling that off.

    The vividness of your imagery draws a clear mental picture, but still holds a sense of mystery that leaves me reading deeper into the poem, something that many poems on this site don't manage to compel me to do. Great write.

  • 15 years ago

    by PygmyPuff

    I like it, but it needs work. I love the emotion, however some sections have so much more than others. Like it almost has a rising climax falling complex going on, but not exactly... If you can get that itd be pretty amazing. Also the structure is disracting, as there are all different size stanzas. The one liners should be like a POP of emotion, or a verb. Like a smack. Of maybe even a way to slow down the rate of readin, giving the reader something to ponder. Your one liners dont seem to have one of these purposes. The couplets also cause some confusion, since theyre random. Idk. I love the poem, but theres just a few things u can do to improve.

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