by PygmyPuff
This is practically amazing... Perhaps its because I can relate so much, or maybe its because theres such strong imagery (such as the second line). "Energize me with your battery acid words of kindness," has such a dual meaning, as battery acid will indeed bring energy, however also burn and melt away what it touches. The third stanza has an incredible repitition of the same though, worded differently, convincing the reader of this thought... Its ourstanding. |
This poem has a very original contemporary wording, great free flow, and ramantic imagery of submissive passions |
by Krathia
This poem was the one of a very innocent girl, it seems. The repetition of doll and toy solidified that feeling, and there is a lingering sadness behind these words. It feels as if the narrator has already gotten over many tears, and is jus speaking with resignation and acceptance of her fate, with a light touch of hope. |
Your words flow like that of a grinding car. You seem to force out "artistic" words instead of words that could make it run free. The concept is orginal and enjoyable, but the way you present it is extremly forced and lopsided. I belive you should lengthen it a little, thus allowing you to let these words flow more easily. Remember, simplicity is beauty. |