Lurking In The Shadows {Rondel}

Wow, wonderful write. As Danny said - I am in aww and can't figure out why more people don't comment your work. This was a work of a genius: your word choice, flow, structure -just everything about it was flawless.

The imagery was greatly portraied and I to liked your use of Capitalizations within this piece. You have a natrual writing ability, you are very talented. Keep up the fantastic work!

Peace, Joe

I saw your post in the 'wish' thread, ah more people should comment your work, it's not fair, and it's true to say the days go past to quickly. :(

I was going to comment your Ghost one then I realised that it was for my contest and it would have been silly of me!

Anyway:

I loved your use of capitalisations on the abstract nouns, it gives them character and allows the reader to somewhat assosciate with them more. Just a simple technique, yet an effective one. These little touches lace your work, and it's one of my favourite things about your writing. What I liked about this, was it was very philosophical, the first line suggesting between awareness and the action comes the act of expressing. Brevity is what the heart says, and how you've penned it to further suggest that it can be filtered, whether we have the courage to say what we want to say, or to speak honestly and truthfully. I won't baffle on, but I suppose I could go on about what this poem says to me for ages and not make any sense to you, so I'll spare you. :)

The line you repeated throughout was excellent, perhaps the strongest line and usually repetition weakens the line but here, it was strengthened by the repetition, it drummed in what you were saying so the reader did not get lost. I'm aware it's part of the form, but you've chosen a great line to repeat. 'Intent' is also a marvellous word isn't it? Lament, circumvent, portent, permanent...all excell'ent' words. Aha! I love it.

You have an excellent vocabulary and I feel that we have a similar approach to language. We let the words say what they can say, I feel you do it better than I, I tend to leave everything untamed whereas you have a more...steady hand, as it were. I hope you know what I'm wittering on about.

I got a warm feeling from reading the 'hand in hand' part, the national symbol, metaphoric, and physical, for the linking of two ideas or feelings or people. Holding hands symbolises more than meets the eye, I feel. Shakespeare said in Hamlet, I think 'brevity is the soul of wit', I loved that line and your poem was reminscent of that.

I won't get into too much detail of what this poem said to me, cause it said a lot...like all of your work, I solemnly wish more people could witness your writing, as your wit, and your mind, and your ideas are all above their station.

Keep writing, and I'll keep reading.

Apologies if this comment makes your head hurt!