Subjective Morality (Collab with TJ BECKER Arizona Eagle)

by Italian Stallion   Mar 23, 2009


Oh my virtuous friend how can you be so blind
not seeing the serpent that lives inside your mind?
He lurks in the corners where no thoughts dare to go
waiting for the moment his venom starts to flow.
Fangs dripping chaos, hate and discontent
paralyze it's victims with the syrup of heinous torment.

Blackened souls arising, blood flowing free...
lingering thoughts running through sharp debris.
Re-occurring reverberations echo in the night,
vivid white gleams of light adding unpleasant fright.
Coldness accompanies the bleak and passionless atmosphere
while the morbid demonic images continue to persevere.

Absorbing all the discord that is faced each day,
decomposing merit, smell the malodor of decay.
Diabolical walking corpse wriggling with worms of doubt,
larva filled with iniquity is nurtured soon to sprout.
Light did not understand the dark that took control
death of morality, birth of Mephistophelean is now whole.

Once again reverberations getting closer than before
almost like it's at the door - ready to explore.
Whispers of death, sounds of laughter roam deep within,
intensified gloomy images appear with dark evil grins.
Is this echo in the night a true imagination -
or is it indeed a real manifestation?

© Copyright 2009 By: Italian Stallion and TJ BECKER Arizona Eagle

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Collaboration with TJ BECKER Arizona Eagle

TJ BECKER Arizona Eagle: http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/author.html?id=365852
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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Faithless

    I saw this on site weekly poetry winner and I truly agree that both of you deserve this honor.

    The images that you guys have painted really puts me as if i was in a horror movie. All those errie images was really descriptive and the vocabs that you guys used really enhance the errieness and i must say that the flow of this poem was fantastic...it's so easy on the tongue and having 2 person writing as 1, i must salute u guys.I like the question that you pose at the end ... that where i understand where u guys got ur title from.

    Congrats to the both of you for the win

    Excellent Job
    5/5 from me

  • 15 years ago

    by Lu

    Congrats on your win, so very deserving of the front pages !!!!

    - syrup of heinous torment
    - morbid demonic images continue to persevere.
    - smell the malodor of decay
    - larva filled with iniquity is nurtured soon to sprout
    ^^^
    Incredible word choices .. just to name a few.

    Excellent read guys .... wonderfully penned collab

    Luanne

  • 15 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Congrats on the win TJ and Joe:)

    A well deserved win!

    *hugs*

    Ingrid

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    I honestly don't feel like theres anything I can critique or suggest for this.. you two penned an amazing collab.. I'm still speechless.. a very chilling, dark read. The words were just perfectly written, and everything flowed great.

    You two should be very very proud of this!
    I am nominating it..

    5/5.
    :]

  • 15 years ago

    by The Prince

    There's some delightfully crisp language in here, really impressive:

    First stanza is a great opener since it's addressing somebody; whereas this makes it harder for the reader, as there's little awareness of the narrator, it gives us a glimpse into the person's thoughts, and it's intriguing. Not worth picking bits out because the poem works better without dissection. I've noticed though, there are a lot of 'the' in the first stanza.

    The second follows on quite consistently with the first, it's something I admired about this piece. It was pretty coherent and consistent.

    'Coldness accompanies the bleak and passionless atmosphere'

    I do think this line could do with being revising since the use of 'less' twice makes it a bit clumsy to read? I don't think 'passionless' is needed. And it should be 'whilst' not 'while'. :)

    Stanza three was immense, some excellent descriptions there. Nothing much to comment on other than I thought it was crisp and held some magnificent word choices.

    Fourth stanza is good, too, but I dont think you need 'real' on the last line as it seems like it's just wedged in there. But it's (like I said) a consistent and sharp piece and you two should be proud of it.

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