Rubber band Ball.

by Courageous Dreamer   Mar 26, 2009


~Not real by any means. Just a dark poem for fun! :]~

Filled with stress; pleading for a release,
to escape this rolling rubber band ball...
trapped inside... you'll find me.

Rubber band ball firmly compacted,
each emotion strangling the others,
represented by corresponding colors.

Thoughts contradict each other,
like a serpent, wrapping themselves
amongst one another, until no space remains.

Slowly fading...
dead...
vanish.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by PoetryKnight

    A wicked awsome poem indeed. and even though it may not be real, it still wraps the minds of those who comprehend it to an even deeper thought. How each band is different, it is still part of one huge thing, and he may not want to go where the oters are, but his life is not in his own hands. he just has to follow the fate that is set before him and realize it as well. again I say, well done with this poem. a 5/5 rating indeed, and you shall recieve it. I just dont understand why other seeit and it has a 4.4 rating. oh well, have a great life and live it as well.
    Signed
    The Spirit of the Poetry Knight

  • 15 years ago

    by The Prince

    Interesting to see something new from you.

    'Filled with stress; pleading for a release,
    to escape this rolling rubber band ball...
    trapped inside... you'll find me.'

    I actually really liked this! I think you could say 'pleading for release' since release isn't something you can't have 'a' in front of. Also, I don't think you gain much with the '...' in the last line, it's really nice without it. I did like this though, the metaphor was good, yet a bit of a mouthful! Nice language too.

    'Rubber band ball firmly compacted,
    each emotion strangling the others,
    represented by corresponding colors.'

    Everyone is right by saying you don't need the repetition, it's like reinforcing the image when it was only mentioned two lines ago. The rest of it was great though. I loved the 'corresponding colours'. I actually think this one of your best yet, since it shows more insight. Might be just me, but you've stepped out of the cage here.

    'Thoughts contradict each other,
    like a serpent, wrapping themselves
    amongst one another, until no space remains.'

    You've described the metaphor well in this poem, but there needs to be more than that, able the reader to relate to it rather than stating what the metaphor means as it's somewhat spoon feeding the reader. Just a bit of constructive criticsm for next time! 'Like a serpent' was great though.

    'Slowly fading...
    dead...
    vanish.'

    I don't know what you were trying to say here? Just me? It's just like you've taken a bit from another poem and thrown it in at the end.

    Regardless of what I've said, I think you're in the right direction - you can use metaphor and I hope to see more like this from you. :)

  • 15 years ago

    by Cindy

    I agree with Sylvia.....I like the use of the rubber band ball.....how the elastic wraps you up and smothers you till you are no more. Very different and unique :)
    Great Job!
    Take Care
    Cindy

  • 15 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Once again you stepped outside your comfort zone and I like what you did. A rubber band ball, you took an object and brought it to life and compared emotions and feelings to that object. Well done. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Oops, I forgot to say: replace it in the second stanza, because you used the expression twice.

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