Comments : An Old Diary.

  • 15 years ago

    by Krista

    As usual, excellent poem. :-)

    "Stale memories buried beneath cover"
    This had to be my favorite line. "buried beneath" sounded way cool. I liked "stale memories" also. Stale was such a cool way to say that.

    5/5

    <3

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Coated with thick dust lies a diary,
    concealed tightly by decaying lock.
    Stale memories buried beneath cover,
    spine sewn loose, struggling to stay intact."

    What a entrancing opening that sets the scene for the reader. Your descriptions are so clear I can see them in my mind, you definetly have already captured my full and complete attention.

    "Gentle fingertips glide cautiously,
    across aged pages, fragile to the touch
    encountering bumps from dried tears."

    You made this piece come alive, as well as the diary, your word choice seemed to take me to another world. I love how you describe the look of the diary, and its feel. This is such a good example of poem with such vivid and real descriptions, that it just coming alive.

    "Ebony globs of ink splattered throughout,
    leak through fine sheets of cream,
    words smudged run into each other...
    as pieces crumble off, fresh thoughts are exposed."

    Excellent ending, what a intense vocabulary you used. I loved the meaning that was hidden behind each and every line, and every stanza was so deep and powerful, it really striked me. Nice job, its good to read your work, I haven't done so in a while, its truly refreshing.

    5/5 from me, take care and God Bless You!

    ~MaryAnne

  • 15 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Temps:)

    This felt like reading an adventure!
    I love how you crafted this, the words you used...and the contrast between the dried tears and the fresh thoughts.
    Keep going in this direction, you are doing so well!!

    *hugs*

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 15 years ago

    by Blissful

    I'm just going to jump right into it!

    "concealed tightly by decaying lock."
    ^I think it would flow better if there was an "a" after by.."by a decaying lock"

    "Stale memories buried beneath cover"
    ^Hmmm "stale memories"...thats a different one...I dont know if it makes such sense for I have never heard of memories being "stale" but I guess you could make it work.

    "spine sewn loose, struggling to stay intact."
    ^Loved the alliteration! I see you using it a lot in your poetry. :]

    "Gentle fingertips glide cautiously"
    ^I think this was a bit wordy and didnt flow as well as the rest. Maybe just "fingers" would sound better.

    "across aged pages,"
    ^Loved the internal rhyme..very clever.

    "Ebony globs of ink splattered throughout"
    ^LOVED "ebony" but didnt like "globs"...at all. Please use a better word. I did liike the imagery you presented with "splatter.

    Great use of descriptions here to present an old diary. I liked your use of words and imagery. I liked your ending...it was a great way to finish the poem. I would have hope you took me to another place with this, it was just descirption whereas I was waiting for emotion but I guess thats not where you wanted to go with it which is fine. Good luck in the contest! I think ima do the diary one too. :]

  • 15 years ago

    by Faithless

    Well i like the idea of opening up an old diary, where all the sweet and bitter memories are being brought back to your life and just see how you have mold from your old past. Though this poem explores a different approach, I like how you describe coming in contact with your old diary. I can visualize the tears smudge your words and pages in your history are lost, but instead of being sad bout it, you are determine to mold the future that is ahead of you. I feel that this poem is very personal to you but im glad that you have shared it with us cause certainly it was a delightful to read.

    Excellent Job
    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Finding an old diary, reading the words again would tend to create new memories and rehash old ones. Well done. 5/5