by Poet on the Piano Mar 31, 2009
category :
Miscellaneous /
Misc. poems
Sighing heavily with relief as I climb into bed, |
Alright. Reading the first couple of stanzas (I'm not going to remember every bug by the end so I'll do it bit by bit) you seem to have an... odd style. You use 'big words'. Big words are ugly. Big words are very clinical and though I may know what you mean, they are still ugly, and automatically knock a lot of emotion out of it like a punch to the gut. You also use the word weird, which sticks out as being clunky. |
by Jad
This was an excellant poem. I think you choose a good topic for your contest. This poem I believe that you put a lot of imagination into the poem but yet it still seemed liked it could of been real. This poem also had a good imagry in a way that it made me feel like I was actually seeing what the person in the poem was seeing. You made this poem good right down to the last detail it seems. I actually really liked it. Excellant job. 5/5 |
I did enjoy reading this. I believe your word choice made it flow like a poem, yet the vivid imagery made it read like a portion of a novel |
by Not Enough
Wow, that is really long. I could never write that much. I think that the flow was pretty good, but not quite there. It was a little off i some parts. And some parts I kind of lost focus and I forgot what the whole point of the poem was, but I think that was only because the length. There is a line in the poem that I'm not sure if there should be the extra 'I' infront of had 'For never I had I seen such a ghostly scene,' so maybe you could change that. Or if it's supposed to be like that, then just keep it. At first, I couldn't understand the whole idea of the poem but I understood it a lot better when I read on. At some parts, I got lost in your vocabulary and had to re-read some lines/stanzas. But your vocabulary is really great, your chose of words is excellent. For me, I like uniqeness in a poem an this definitely had it. I've never read a poem like this, about spacemen. So I must give you props for that. I think once you get to the end of reading it, it's a wonderful piece. But when you see how much there is it's kind of over-whelming. But I also think that the length helps to the powerful story of the whole poem. Very well done. |
by Ingrid
MaryAnne:) |