I think this could work really good as a song
The repetition and words were interesting
Would like to hear it with some tunes behind t

I could see this as a song i suppose; since you said you write lyrics not poetry. But the only thing is the rhyme scheme is not 100% consistent or even there. So depending on the song (some forms of music dont need to rhyme every line, others do.) This could be pretty good.

I cant really find any main complaints here besides the rhyming. good job.

My only suggestions is use punctuation to make it seem more official and professional!! Other than that all i have to say is wow man...honestly you did great the wording you are brutally honest about peoples nature i thought this poem was going to be about something superficial but it turns out it was just about society!!! great job!!

5/5

The reason I liked this one is because I am hearing the lyrics in a really wicked black metal song. I'm not sure what genre (if any) you usually write for, but this just seem like a really good Scandinavian black metal song.

I loved it. As song lyrics or a poem. (The two go hand in hand in my opinion). Your ideas seemed to be well organized and the darkness of the poem was constant and true. I also feel that your word choice was smart and descriptive. I was able to take away good imagery as well. Beautifully done. 5/5.

-Rolo