Hey, just wanted to say ....omg to your poem you expressed urself so well. I LOVED IT!!!! KEEP UP D WORK.

Little long... but full with love and romance... Nice poem at all... (5/5)

Thanks.

Very well written venting poem and very personally revealing

Is how long I've put up with your ways
Is how long I've put up with all of your ways
^^ the added syllables flow better to me with the first line .

But I don't understand how you could lie to me
But I don't understand how you could do this to me ..
^^ again , adding syllables helps the flow here .

First you kiss her, and I couldn't care less
But you didn't tell me, I had to guess
You even told Cassidy, the girl that I hate
And I thought you were my soul mate
^^ The flow is really off here .. And this stanza isn't as powerful as the rest . I don't really like it .

I didn't go and tell somebody you hate
I didn't go and tell somebody that you hate.
^^ adding syllables again :) .

I may have liked it and I won't pretend
I may have liked it, I'm not going to pretend

But I would never be with him, no love felt here
And baby you didn't even shed a tear
But I would never be with him, no love felt there
Didn't even cry, this just really isn't fair

Why would I take you back after you f---ed her
And then you said that it was just a blur
^^ I really don't like these lines . The flow is off, and theres better words for the idea. I've been cheated on , I get where you're going but I think it can be better said .

"It happened once" you swore on my life
"It happened just once"; you swore on my life
^^ Try getting to know diffrent punctuation too . That always helps out with poems .

After you lied, I'll never be able to believe you
After you lied, I've just lost my trust in you.

I will always love you, but it'll never the same
I will always love you, but it'll never be the same .

Hah okay ! Lots of suggestions .. But that's all they are , is suggestions . I tried to help you fix and problems in the flow , and I'd appreciate if you praise my comment if this helps . Really well done , lots of emotion .. I really related to it . 5/5

Oooo. The last line got me.
I'm not always big on love poems (although yes I've written some) and I wasn't majorly enthused until reading the last line. It's sayings like that that really get my attention.
So, overall, this was very good. I thought it was really emotional and well expressed. Your word choice was very good as well.

Now I hope you don't think I made this up, especially after saying I'm not big on love poems. I really do like it. lol

<3<3<3 5/5 definately!

To me jealousy is such a wasted emotion
I just thought I had your devotion
I'm not jealous, I'm just angry with you
How could you cheat on me then lie to me too
^^^
I like the first 2 lines, really good way to start out your poem. And I like how i can relate to the next 2 lines, I was in the same boat once too.

One year, three months, one week, six days
Is how long I've put up with your ways
My love for you is still here, it always will be
But I don't understand how you could lie to me
^^^
I like how you tell the facts as is, and how you feel about it. It also flows pretty well.

First you kiss her, and I couldn't care less
But you didn't tell me, I had to guess
You even told Cassidy, the girl that I hate
And I thought you were my soul mate
^^^
I could feel the tenision start to build up here. And i like how you kept just telling the facts instead of changing to something else (srry if that doesn't make sense.)I can feel how you felt kinda stabbed in the back.

You can't be p*ssed because I kissed that guy,
Because I actually told you, I didn't lie,
I didn't go and tell somebody you hate
I even told you that day, I didn't wait
^^^
Nice rhyming, rythme is good.

I didn't kiss him back; he was my best friend,
I may have liked it and I'm not going to pretend
But I would never be with him, no love felt here
And baby you didn't even shed a tear
^^^
the last two lines had a weird rythme. But I but rhyming was good. And i can relate to this again, in different ways.

Three days after the kiss, I found out more
This was a bigger lie about you and her
You were never going to tell me about this one
And all you said was "I'm sorry it can't be undone"
^^^
I really like the last line, how it just cuts at you. And you are just kind of shocked by it.

Why would I take you back after you f---ed her
And then you said that it was just a blur
That 'it just happened' and you didn't want it to
You lied to me twice, why would I believe you
^^^
More good rhymes you kept the rythme.

It couldn't just happen, since it happened twice
"It just happened once"; you swore on my life
Well, gee, thanks, shows how much you care
This is something you just can't repair
^^^
I like the 3rd line, it reminds me of my friend's writes.

Baby, I love you and I thought you loved me too
After you lied, I'll never be able to believe you
I will always love you, but it'll never be the same
Look in the mirror if you want someone to blame
^^^
good way to end the poem. Great last lines

I really liked the poem. It felt more like you were just stating events, but in a more personal, poetic way of course. It was great how you kept the anger and not jealously, (so not changing your mind part way through the poem.) Other than that, you had a few strong lines, but not really strong stanzas.
Good poem overall.

One year, three months, one week, six days
Is how long I've put up with your ways
My love for you is still here, it always will be
But I don't understand how you could lie to me

I don't really like this stanza. I think the specific flow is missing and believe that it would have looked better if you had put the first two lines seperate from the last ones.

First you kiss her, and I couldn't care less
But you didn't tell me, I had to guess
You even told Cassidy, the girl that I hate
And I thought you were my soul mate

I think it's pretty good expect of the last line. The use of adding syllables would have been good for that line.
Suggestion:
"You even told Cassidy, the girl that I hate
And I thought you were my soul mate"
"You even told Cassidy, the girl I hate
Although I always thought you were my soul mate"

You can't be p*ssed because I kissed that guy,
Because I actually told you, I didn't lie,
I didn't go and tell somebody you hate
I even told you that day, I didn't wait

Good stanza.

"I didn't kiss him back; he was my best friend,
I may have liked it and I'm not going to pretend"
"Never did I kiss him back; he was my best friend,
I may have like it and I'm not going to pretend"
...would have been better..!!

Three days after the kiss, I found out more
This was a bigger lie about you and her
You were never going to tell me about this one
And all you said was "I'm sorry it can't be undone"

mh...i personally don't really like the stanza..if I would be you I would try to change the first two lines as it doesn't really rhyme that well.!!

Why would I take you back after you f---ed her
And then you said that it was just a blur
That 'it just happened' and you didn't want it to
You lied to me twice, why would I believe you

mh..same here..the flow isn't that great!!

It couldn't just happen, since it happened twice
"It just happened once"; you swore on my life
Well, gee, thanks, shows how much you care
This is something you just can't repair

wooooow..this one is good though..probably the best stanza in the whole poem.!!

I hope you like my suggestions.
Just a last hint: always look at the number of syllables that you use. Try to use the same amount in the same line that it should rhyme with.!!

It is an amazing poem! I love the message in it (I am sorry that this happened to you though).. But I also feel that some of your rhymes are forced, I would advise maybe to start writing some poems that doesn't rhyme rather than rhyming and it doesn't turn out good. Just a personal opinion!

This is deep. The message is very well put and to the point. It flowed very well but as someone already mentioned adding syllables would make it even better. Well done (:

Wow this was an amzing piece. your emotions were right on it. your words were ful of you on them. anger and love at the same time is sumthing very strange and unique at the same time. i realie like this cuz i can relate. i dnt love him cuz as sum we move on and hope you can to. flow was prettie good to. your words i wouldnt change them. great job.

TaKe CaRe,
Frenchy

4/5. This was an above-average poem, but I think to make it amazing you would need to read over it and edit it more for rhythm and fluency. You told the story very well, very clearly. Some of the rhymes were a bit weak due to how the phrases before and containing them are actually spoken--for example, the first couplet of the last stanza and the second couplet of the second stanza. Although the words at the ends of the lines rhyme well enough, the emphasis in the phrases makes it such that the rhymes aren't heard very strongly.

Good work and keep at it. If you could get my most recent poems, I would appreciate it.

Wow I like really like this poem alot. I like your detailed description of what leads to your break up. Though simple words was used here, but it really enables me as the reader to visualize the whole story.I like how you ended your poem. It just create an impact to the whole poem.Great Job