Comments : Insidious

  • 15 years ago

    by Nix

    I suggest you to put some commas, because in this poem one stanza is one thought, and it would be a lot easier to read it, if there are punctuation signs.
    Other than that, I enjoyed in this poem.
    Opening lines caught my attention because you have a very strong message in it. I like the contrast between third and fourth line of first stanza.
    I also admire the way you portrayed your message in the second stanza, because you said that we -search to be found- which is very cleverly written. And I think that you've made really powerful picture with that, so fourth line -accepted- isn't necessary, especially because you have that word again, in the first line of the next stanza.
    I like the twist in the third stanza, it is very interesting.
    Fourth stanza is also very remarkable, I again admire the way you expressed your message, because it is very deep and true that we built something, and then try to climb on it, which for the consequences has that we disappoint ourselves.
    I don't realize what you tried to say in the last two lines. You wrote -, we, - and that really confused me, because I can't figure out why is that between commas.

    Anyway, well done on this one. I really enjoyed in it, you wrote a deep, intriguing poem, in my opinion.

  • 15 years ago

    by Beautiful Chaos

    I am not always a fan of punctuation lol End of lines are pauses, as are the 2 commas, other than that I was writing off the top of my head, there is no punctuation in there lol