Passionate Flares

New inspiration is always good, Paige. :)

I found the narration in this piece quite startled which wasn't comfortable to read, you describe a 'moment' which is hard to do, I'll give you that.

'It is just under the surface
waiting to arise
never giving you enough of a taste
to find it normal'

This 'it' sound you have plagued your poem a bit, there wasn't anything specific to sink teeth into, it was told to the reader when you could have a token 'image' to reveal it; you vaguely used 'flares' which could be expanded on if you chose. 'To find it normal' was a hesitant and clumsy line, it was too normal, which was my problem with it.

'it remains as amazing each time
always a delicacy
a rare treasure
not to be wasted'

'Amazing', 'awesome' and 'great' etc don't fit well in poetry, it's not very creative because we say 'amazing' in every day conversation and the meaning becomes lost. Delicacy and treasure, though expand on that and make 'amazing' seem small in comparison. I think the last line contradicts the above two, if we make it a sentence it'd read 'a rare treasure not to be wasted', treasure could more likely be ignored, not 'wasted'.

'the beautiful calm
erupts with passion
a brilliant flare of agony
it breaks out, fierce'

See your tone becomes passionate here whislt the previous two have an echo of normality. I like this stanza more than the others but then we have trouble with continuity.

'back to the smooth affection
an angelic warmth shared between us
your hands caress so gently
slowly as to prolong the moment'

Last line was telling the reader, you could show it and not spoonfeed by including the reaction from the narrator as if the persona is savouring the 'slow caress' as you put it. Dont use abundances of adverbs, 'slowly' 'gently', these are your enemies, verbs are your friends :)

'and suddenly the ecstasy erupts
our muscles tense to one another
our embrace firm, unbreakable
then it softens, into a lustrous intertwine'

I thought the ecstasy had 'erupted' since you stated it had on the other stanza, this is unneeded, you're kind of reinstating what the other stanza said. If you strengthened the previous stanza, then this one would not be needed. 'Lustrous intertwine' was syntatically clumsy. You could merge this stanza and the one before to make abetter stanza, if you undertsand.

'
a stutter
a quick silence
sudden motions
intense passion'

Sticks out because of the line length, which was a slight minor flaw with this poem. if you made it

'A stutter, a quick silence;
sudden motions - intense passion..'

then continued it, it would look better in terms of graphology.

'we take a breath
one graceful kiss
A calm clasp on each other
our lips caress time after time'

This was remarkably sensual, well done. 'Graceful' could be replaced though.

'the flares have subsided
but we are satisfied
we have had our taste of paradise
love is not greedy'

The last line was hit and miss, I don't know if I liked it or didn't..but it's a nice ending I beleive.

You have a potentially strong poem here but you need to work on it a bit, it's a bit unstructured, and all over the place but you can sort it out easy :)

I loved this poem. it was very good and as joe said had great feeling to it. I also have to agree with him that the flow could've been better. all in all it was a good poem. keep up the good work

ishia

I must say, it was well written and had emotion within. I kind of wish the whole poem was fast and to the point like the 6th stanza, since it hightens the tone of the poem (you know fast intimite passion that errupts). Overall all it wasn't bad though, the structure was good and the flow was alright. I think the flow could've been a bit better with punctuation. Punctuation is very important in poetry, it allows the reader to know when to pause or stop as well as adding to the overall flow.

Overall a heartfelt write, keep up the great work!

Peace, Joe