"Soft whispers of lost memories,
fading away with dying stars.
I'll wait."
`I loved your word choice, i.e. soft whispers, kind of a sad mood you have here to begin the poem but well written. Syllable count seems to be correct.

"Days drift on by with no answers,
clueless minds left in the darkness,
not now."
`I loved your usage of drift, your words fit your mood perfectly.

"When I was at my happiest,
my world came visibly crashing,
long lost."
`Well done with this, your syllable count is great and the poem flows nice and smooth. Youre portraying your emotions great.

"My feeble mind quiets slowly,
waves lapping there upon the shore,
no love."
`No love - awh :/ Feeble - great word choice. :]

"Cries erupt from the dark shadows,
enveloping my ruined soul,
my heart."
`LOVED erupt! Very sad write.. wow. It rips at the readers heart, they can feel the emotions so vividly. Maybe check.. enveloping my ruined soul - to me that is a 7 syllables, could be 8 if I said it different not sure. the way i see it is ... en/vel/op/ing

"Enduring an internal war,
everything slows to a long stop,
over."
`Isnt it eternal? I could be wrong.. but loved the way of describing it like a war. Well done.

"The orchestra stops somberly,
a few moments of utter silence.
They cheer."
`I loved your transition, the twist of the poem. We're jolted from sadness to happiness.. and a smile spreads across the readers face as they reader reads 'they cheer' - a few moments of utter silence - check syllable count on that. i`m counting 9 , & not 8.

"Cries of encore erupt within,
bows from smiling musicians.
They leave."
`I'm not sure about your first line here, it sounded quite similar to one of your stanzas from above.. "bows from smiling musicians" - i think thats 7, not 8. recount possibly..

other than that, I really liked your poem. Great attempt at the form, I know it wasnt easy

5/5.

:]

Good poem.keep writing.your poems do rock!!!!

Dang it... I did it again. Temps beat me lol but I still wanna comment. This was such a creative poem hun. I had to read it a couple of time becasue it was so good. I think you did an amazing job with the form, I have a hard enough time writing haikus lol so *claps* for you on this. I think this would have to be one of my favorite love poems from you. It's just so pure and full of emotion that I can't complain. I wouldn't change anything. Well done on another fabulous piece. Nik