The Forgotten One

Really great poem
The narrative really made the poem work
And your words expressed the feelings of isolation and loneliness brillaintly
Great read

Oh wow this was such a sad poem. the ending was a great way of ending. but many can relate of hiding their emotions their fears inside them to not hurt anyone else but themselves. i can realte to this. and it's was nciely done.

TaKe CaRe,
Frenchy

I don't think this poem was your best work. There weren't many specific, distinct images in it, mostly vague or cliched descriptions. The last line is probably the most powerful part of the poem, which is good. Nice effort and keep practicing.

"The girl walks alone
Only loneliness this world has shone
Every night she silently cries
As her emotions she tries to hide"

Great opening, nice rhyming that held such meaning.

"A remnant of someone real
Is all she feels
Shes no longer even remembered in this place
By her fear every night she was chased"

Second line: Add "truly" after "she" for a smoother read.

Third line: "Shes" should be "She's".

Fourth line: Add a comma after "fear".

"She used to be
But no longer can you see
For she is long dead
And this is what upon her tombstone was read"

Second line: Change to "But is no longer, can't you see?"

For the fourth line, I agree with the above comment, changing it would really help the flow.

"Hear lies the fallen girl
Unknown to this entire world
Left to die alone
Now the earth in loneliness she roams."

I loved the ending, such heartfelt emotions.

4/5 from me, this was a joy to read!

Take care and God Bless!

~MaryAnne

Aaaww, that was sad. But good. The flow was a little off only because the syllable use. But the emotion was great. The rhymes were nice. there's this line here that I think if you want to change I have a suggestion;

"And this is what upon her tombstone was read"
I think if you changed it to "And upon her tombstone read"

It helps the flow a lilttle more, but if you keep it the way it is it's still great.