Revived (Collab with T e m p s)

The imagery is wonderful and expressive. The first verse is my favorite. Memories floating around in a mind like butterflies loitering. Exquisite description of memories that linger of a love that is no longer there. Well done to both of you.

'Immersed in desolation,
memories loiter like butterflies,
although you're gone.
A faint image of you floats,
around this empty mind,
love no longer glistens.'

Like the imagery of the butterflies - suggesting that the memories are dainty..or beautiful, and flutter round the mind. Nice image there. No need in the full stop after 'gone', kinda disturbs the flow and you could replace the comma at the end of the 5th line with a semi-colon because it allows for a longer pause.

'this' empty mind, should be 'my' because you're not literally showing the reader anything, you're telling them. Liked the beginning though, it was pretty nice.

'The nakedness of the landscape,
escapes the distant cries
- unconditionally.
Imprinted - 'heart to heart'
absconding ever so vaguely,
designed for your eyes to observe.'

The flow is incosistent and the tone almost shifts here, as the gramma was somewhat haphazard. Remove one of the hyphons, and see if it adds anything. Always the best way to check, punctuation is important. A lack of it allows for a faster flow, but when it's broken up, it becomes slower. It contrasts here with the above stanza in flow. Nothing major, I liked the language here. Try to avoid adverbs though, if your verb is good enough, you won't need them.

'Soul encompassed entirely
by permanent thoughts of lost love,
sends confusion swirling.
Truth beneath dreams,
reveals a purpose. '

Thought the second line was spoonfeefing the reader, though I loved 'sends confusion swirling', that was nice. Nothing much to comment on here as it doesn't add or take anything from the piece, it's nice, though. :) Might've been nice to see a metaphor brought in here, but no worries.

'Reminiscent romance revealed...
accompanying body and soul.
Saturated infatuation
never left unwhole-
the remainder of us.'

First line was a bit of a tongue-twister..did you want that? The poem started out quite dainty, but the 'r' sound gives a tone of monotony. Liked the ending though, it sort of...quickened up a bit.

A nice effort, I did enjoy the read, the consistency was a bit flawed but you did well with the imagery; well done. :)

Very impressive, to say the least!
Seamless and beautiful collaboration by two gifted poets:)
I would love to see more of these beauties..

The nakedness of the landscape,
escapes the distant cries
- unconditionally.
^^^
So easy to relate too..this immense sadness portrayed here.

Truth beneath dreams,
reveals a purpose

^^^
Deep and meaningful words:)

Good job Temps and Joe!

*hugs*

5/5 Ingrid

It was a pleasure to work with you and I thank you for letting me improve as a poet while writing with you. I'm sure there will be many more opportunities for us to collab in the future. :]