Teddy Bear of Love

Rubbing my head, these headaches won't subside
Even though I've been taking Advil and Hydrocodine
It just doesn't seem to leave me at peace
It's been so long since then yet

It haunts me every day and night
Knowing all has been forgiven
Yet everyone still looks at me as if I was the one
That killed you, after the funeral your sister told me

You minus well have killed him your self...
It just made me feel even worse and I felt guilty
For if I just been more understanding and patient
Just maybe, just maybe you'll be standing here with me

But it won't happen anytime soon
I reminisce of all the good memories
And when I do, I break down and cry
Because I miss you so much my love

I never meant to force you to say it
I just wanted to hear it from you once
Just wanted to hear those three words
Because you never said those words ever since we dated

You always managed to evade those words
With a teddy bear that you gave me every day
I cherished everyone of them but wished you still
Say it to me after we have a fight or say good night

It was on our anniversary and you forgot
But you came later that night to apologize
And gave me a teddy bear that said "I love you"
But I wanted for you to say "I love you" instead.

Outraged, I threw the bear on the street
You looked back, confused of what was going on
As you went to pick it up, I told you forget it
If you can't even say those three words then forget it

You just kept walking towards the bear
Upon picking up the bear, a car struck you
And from that moment you were taken away from me
Without even opening your eyes to say one word to me

After that day, I had to go through everyday
With the guilt and the sadness of losing you
I took out the bears, because those were the only
Things you left me since we started to date

I started to count all the bears,
It all ended with 730 bears.
Then I started to cry again with a bear in my arms
Then suddenly...I Love You!!!

I Dropped the bear in shock...
I...lo...ve...you? I picked it up and press it again
"I Love You, I Love You!!!"
Those words came non-stop with every bear I pressed

Then I took out the last bear which got you killed
It had some blood stains on it.
Then your voice came out,
The one that I was missing so much...

"Alicia...do you know what today is?
It's our two year anniversary which is 730 days.
I know I couldn't say I love you.
Since I was too shy, if you can forgive me
And take this teddy bear; I will say "I love you" everyday
Till the day I die...Alicia...I Love You!!!"

The tears came flowing out of me...
I asked God, why do I only know all this now?
He can't be by my side but
He loved me until his last minute...

4:21am
4-12-09