World

I, infinitesimal
amidst radiant power, silent beauty
Eternity

Beautiful! Not many realize the beauty of nature and appreciate it the way you do here; your awe of the grandeur is apparent and more importantly, commendable.

Keep writing.

My use of the potential tense ("may") was very intentional. I only drove through the plain, but the more powerful image was that of me standing alone, without roads, gas stations, trucks, etc., and I wanted to imply that I had not actually experienced it yet, lending it a more surreal air.

The mangoes and plums are colors, while the angel-food cake is clouds. The metaphor is intended to help convey that the sky was more than a simple image, but also a mood, almost a taste, it was so tangible.

I appreciate the critique but claim artistic license and will leave the poem as is. :D

This is one of the oddest poems I have read in a while.

The first line is good, but I kept wanting to join IN and COMPLETE as one word. Maybe adding an action word before it would help, like STANDING IN COMPLETE SOLITUDE. I know that will not flow to the next line, but something similar may help.

Third line, I didn't like the word SCRUBBY. It doesn't really paint the imagery for me because I am not exactly sure what the word means. I would try to replace it with a more common but still powerful word like AWESOME or DWARFING. The meaning is still there and more appealing.

Forth line, I did not know what a COPSE was, so the rest of the line was pretty much lost. After asking GOOGLE, I discovered the meaning, but it was a little "Too little, too late" by then.

The next line was good, but used too many ANDs.

In line 7, the first part was great, but the imagery was lost on the last part: "all mangoes and plums behind tufts of angel-food cake". Even carrying into the next line, the picture was confusing.

Overall the poem was not bad, but to IF-FY (yeah, I know that's not a word but still). The whole concept of THIS MAY happen or IF THIS happens is a very weak idea to base a poem on.

As far as the writing itself goes, it was pretty well written. I liked the comparisons used and the imagery was good overall, I just did not care for the subject that much.

Very nicely done :-) I like your use of the words copse, bluffs, scrubby - Very descriptive and paint a picture - and the comparison to angel food - Very unexpected!
And tHank you for commenting on my poem.

This poem was excellant and I loved it. The flow was good or excellant preferably. It had really really good imagery in it. It was almost as if I could actually be there in the poem. Good job.