Lover's Dream

Wow... this poem is so twisted, but I completely get it.

Her lover is gone.
Will he ever come back?
Just to scream,
[again]
the things that she lacks?

But he'll wrap her all up,
in his big strong arms,
they'll forgive eachother,
for all they've done wrong.

* This is our twisted life isn't it? Knowing something is completely wrong, but allowing it to take over our lives. (Just so scream 'again' the things she lacks) That's how we get wrapped into thinking we can't do any better. That this person is the ONLY person that will put up with what "I" lack. So naturally, you run back to it.

Sing sweet to me,
the lover's dream,
so I can dance tonight,
and won't have to scream.
Baby, baby,
hold your breath,
surely this hell,
will be your death.

Makes complete sense. I can't explain how much i like this poem without feeling weird saying it! But I really do like it. Makes so much sense. though, god, i wish it didn't.

This is an eye opening dark poem very well written yet not so deep as to disguise the words of warning written between the lines

well done

"Look at her eyes.
The disaster is there.
She's heartbroken
and scared,
but cry?
She wouldn't dare."

-To me, this stanza ended with a completely different tone. Like, at first it sounded sad and was kind of descriptive and the image in my head was of a broken heart. But the last two lines switched that around; I lost the image and can't feel her pain. Does that make sense? I dunno. Depends on what you were aiming for.

"Her lover is gone.
Will he ever come back?
Just to scream,
[again]
the things that she lacks?"

-I like this stanza a lot. I think your use of the word "[again]" sealed the deal for me.

"But he'll wrap her all up,
in his big strong arms,
they'll forgive eachother,
for all they've done wrong."

-Just put a space in between "each" and "other". I don't think it's one word. Not as powerful as the previous stanza.

"Sing sweet to me,
the lover's dream,
so I can dance tonight,
and won't have to scream.
Baby, baby,
hold your breath,
surely this hell,
will be your death."

-I also like this stanza, but not the fourth line, though. Sounds awkward when you read it out loud.

Altogether, nice poem.