Great write nikki this makes more sense than i think you realise. Sometimes to the writer especially at a emotional time it may not make sense but this makes perfect sense to me.

"You have him..like i suspected
he comes before me
in a heartbeat you abandon out plans
you abandon me in a crucial moment"

These lines are so true you have put it into words brilliantly, the two stanzas following this one are also very strong, coming back from something like this won't be easy sometimes as much as it will hurt us we have to let those kinds of people go even if they are ones we thought we knew so well and trusted on our lives. Great emotional piece of writing. *hugs*