Comments : Crawling

  • 15 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    "This thought inside of me
    They slowly tear me apart
    This destruction only I can see
    I've already lost my heart
    A poison from the depths of hell
    Not knowing how to die
    So all the time deep inside me
    I shout i scream i cry"

    "These thoughts inside of me
    would blend better with the second line which implies a plural

    I slowly fade into nothing again
    While all the time I'm crawling
    As this world still rends
    As I continually am falling
    All the time I'm falling
    I feel this feeling inside
    This pain agony and emotion
    Destroys my only pride

    very strong finish, I can feel the emotion and sense a wise conclusion of what the cause is

    well done