My lips swollen and chapped
From living without speaking
Without telling anyone
About what you did
Watching your hands on me
On MY body
Doing things that most grandfathers dont do
Most shouldnt do
So why
Did you think you could?
My heartbeat increased with elation
Pure joy and love for you
But I shouldnt have listened
I shouldve stopped you
If only...I had known how
The soft hum of the television
And all I could hear was your heavy breathing
It lullied me to sleep
Until I was old enough to never wanna wake up again
Your hands up my shirt
As I relaxed into oblivion
The sweetest heaven above
...So why was I letting you sin?
Your secret, now my secret
I let you in, I let you do as you wanted
Even smiling to myself sometimes
Because I believed in a love stronger than any little girl, should ever imagine
But it wasn't love, any more than it was gentle
Looking down at myself now
The body you laid against
Pressing your vile scent into me
Leaving a mark of a criminal
And taking something else
Something I'll never get back
The invisibility of your touch lingers on my skin
Bubbling underneath the surface
And only my eyes can see it
Only I know what went on
Stuck with the everlasting guilt
Of your mistakes
I hate you for everything
But I'll never hate you enough
To tell someone what you have done
So the memories will swallow me up
Like the excruciating pain from a gun
Multiplying on fingertips, dirtied from actions without consequences
I can't forget
I cannot hate you for it
And now I'm being pushed farther away from admiting the truth
Never finding one bit of closure
Only finding you
