It's alright. First I'll start out with some constructive points. Define this. Is it more of a descriptive story or a work of poetry because from a reader's point of view, it feels as though you're trying to tell a story story. After you have done that, break it down a bit further. Am I trying to force feed my reader to learn a lesson or making them realize one only after they are done reading? Ask yourself this. Is there a conclusive ending or something to just fit the pattern and tie up a quick loose end you might have started in the beginning of the work?

Pacing: Define. Is it too slow or too fast. For this, I would say that while you made some good points, you neglect to go deeper into the emotion you're writing about and instead telling so it barely comes across to the reader. I don't want to know that special new emotion. I want to see it go through your words. You can learn that by reading lyrics by certain bands. See if you can feel the things they want to say emotional wise. This also has a few cliche's in your descriptions and yet what I liked were a few original that can be seen. I can tell it hurts to breath, but where is the pain that presses to the chest. That brings the heart deeper in a mess to which it's hard to untangle from. The tears that stick to the throat, making it hard to swallow. Where is the pieces shattering where you can see a speck of your reflection only to bleed on the fragments another left behind.

I see other people have helped with the lines, I hope this helps with the emotion level.

Good job. this poem was truly from the heart it seems and it is wonderful. You really had good emotion in it and the rhyme seemed somewhat off but it is still okay. The flow was overall good and The text of the poem was true. Good job.

Ii LOVED yur poems
ii can relate alott to itt...
andd im nott goingg to critique yuhh
on yur life experiences
because ii think poetry is an art
and a way to express your opinion
so...ultimately
greaaat poem..lol..

This is amazing I love it. I can relate to this, I went through something like this.

Woah theres so much in each line! Its very condensed, I like it. The theme is very visible. Some are less intense of course, but others are good, like "Along with the pain associated, through her veins;
Engulfing her shattered body."

Ah wow! great poem i must say i think every girl will be able to relate to this. You did a great job of drawing me in the first stanza i had a mental picture of a girl free falling with a smile on her face : ) and that is what it feels like i mean it is magical and you get so excited about it! only to have him disappoint you like you said.. so many girls make this mistake of pushing their friends away for a new guy and you made a good point he isn't the one to pick up the pieces, your friends are! great poem ! i have no critiques really i loved it and thought it was phenomenal! i was wondering at first why you had it in the friendship section but now i see : )
5/5

I really enjoyed this poem. Everyhing worked perfectly together. Diction was amazing. Shoes your intelligent writer and have more then a fifth grade vocabulary lol. I love the varied syntax as well. This was very powerful and overflowed with rich and pure emotions. Very nice work. Shanik

"Sixteen is much more than just a number.
It's when, for the first time in her life,
A girl's heart experiences the most powerful emotion;"

This opening really grabbed me, it caught my eye and held my attention.

"The essence of her teenage world: love."

This was a unique line, I loved "the essence of her teenage world", that was great wording!

"She free-falls backwards with the impulse,
Only hoping that the one causing all these feelings,
That boy that makes her heart pound faster,
And slower at the same time;
Is there waiting, ready to catch her."

This was cliche in my mind, and I had hoped to see a difference, more originality here.

"But often, this is not the case.
He's too busy exploring his options,"

These two lines were good, you express all that you want to say well here.

"He doesn't notice how fast she's falling...
And at last, she nears rock bottom."

I feel this was not the most creativity, I was looking for something different, a twist or more imagery.

"And guess what? He's nowhere around."

Okay, to be honest, I don't like the "and guess what?", it doesn't fit in this poem and seems more like the teenage talk, if you know what I mean.

"She's left so broken, it hurts to breathe.
Yes, her stained heart is still beating;"

Not the best, but this was still filled with emotion and feeling.

"But every pulse spreads the locked-in memories,
Along with the pain associated, through her veins;"

I liked how you used "associated" here, this was great.

"Engulfing her shattered body."

Perfect wording here, I love the way you describe her.

"And yes, she may still be breathing;
But every breath only longs to catch his scent...
Any indication that he's come back for her."

I did not like "breathing" and "breath" so close, maybe get a synonym for one of them? I did like the end of the second line and then the third one, carry on.

"Once again, for the first time in her life,
She learns a new emotion, but it is not her own:
Compassion; coming from everyone she'd left behind,
Because in the midst of all the kisses and "i love you"s;
She foolishly forgot those who really loved her.
It wasn't the boy, who had let her fall so hard,
That helped her pick up the pieces;
It was the friends who always caught her in the first place"

A striking and thoughtful ending, this held my attention the whole way through and I didn't stop reading. What a great message and such power was held in your words. Just one thing,

i love you"s should be I love you's.

Otherwise, 4/5 from me. You expressed so much and did make the reader feel this and understand, but I didn't feel that captivated all the way through. Try adding more creative words and vivid imagery to this piece.

Take care and God bless you, Child of God!

~MaryAnne

This is Original, i love it. I enjoyed every bit of it. It was well written and the imagery you creates is excellent. Very well done. 5/5, kel.

So i really loved i can deff. relate that is pretty much my lfie sotry in a poem(: 5/5