Comments : Black Roses Collab (End of Eternity)

  • 15 years ago

    by End Of Eternity

    Firstly would like to thank you for accepting doing another collab but this time towards slightly dark.

    Mist sourrounds black roses
    Hold my hand show me the way
    Thorns waiting to draw blood
    Lay with me in our grave

    I really can read this stanza again and again and would still get the same chill as i would get reading it first time. Thank you so much for adding your magic to it.

    all the best and take care

  • 15 years ago

    by Sylvia

    This is dark and speaks of society to me and it's ills. Nice collab for you both. Well done.

  • 15 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Cindy,

    I like dark writes. Somehow there seems to be more expression and imagery to utilise?

    The first two lines really hook the reader into the poem. The comparisons betwen the rich and poor, likening them to a similar comparison of good vs evil.

    I also like the image of a black rose, symbolising evil/ death. I guess having such a rose is sad and the surrounding mist feels like a domineering presence suffocating what would/ should have been so perfect and free.

    Well done

    Michael

    p.s I hope you are well. :D

  • 15 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Very touching write... dark indeed...

    Bible in hands of the poor
    Rich become masters of sin
    Dead wandering centuries
    But their greed wont give in

    ^^ the last line is so true... greed is what that has resulted in the outbreak of so many mishappenings...

    Screams echo in the night
    Beastly demons enflict pain
    Disfigured tormented souls
    Drive a normal man insane

    ^^ There's a deep meaning hidden in these words... well penned...

    Garden of corpses wait
    Walk with me my love
    Few angels along with evil
    All fallen from high above

    ^^I loved this stanza... there's a longingess for someone to walk with you... to hold you when you fall... the last two lines are thought provoking... angels and evils...both from above... loved it...

    Mist sourrounds black roses
    Hold my hand show me the way
    Thorns waiting to draw blood
    Lay with me in our grave

    ^^just couldnt stop reading these verses... so so touching...

    loved the title too... :)

  • 15 years ago

    by Corinne

    Very dark, yet very well done. There is a wide schism between the poor and rich. Not sure how I feel about the glamorization of death and darkness though. There is a charm to the dark, but light has its beauty as well.

  • 15 years ago

    by Nee

    I somehow didn't like the rhyme of this piece.
    it went off in most of the stanzas.
    But overall a very dark poem that attracts readers, of course those who love dark poetry.

    Try not to focus on the rhyme way too much next time and it's going to work out perfectly :)
    well done both of you!

  • 15 years ago

    by anand singh

    The two of you has portrayed mankind's evil ways so vividly in this dark yet beautifully penned piece.
    It's always a pleasure to read these colabs from you two.
    Keep up the great job my friend.
    Paul...

  • 15 years ago

    by Daisy if you do

    This was quite a dark read. I too think it relates alot to society and the things going on at this moments as well as ones that happened centuries ago. Great job.