He doesn't see her
but she wishes he did
he loved her, he told her
he lied just the same

A bit cliché but very good opening

heart bleeding solely
from acid last words
don't hold her, don't touch her
she'll burn in his grasp

I love the idea of ‘acid last words’ and how they burn her. Gives a more original twist to what would seem to be a cliché poem.

broken promise, wasted wording
he don't love her anyways
burning and holding
it's just not the same

Great stanza but I would change the word ‘burning’ to something else because you already used it in the previous stanza and it sounds a bit repetitive, and I would change ‘wording’ to words to make if flow a bit better.

means hardly a thing to him
isn't it a shame?
she's pretty, she's broken
he won't save her now

Try adding something at the beginning of the first line, it sounds like you left it out, im not sure if was on purpose or not.

she's drowning, he won't see
his eyes fixed on another girl
don't tell her, don't love her
she knows that you lied

Great stanza, but try taking out the word ‘girl’ on the second line to make it flow better (im obsessed with flow…can you tell??)

the story is ending, there's a surprise

I like how you put this line separate from the others, like a pause in the poem. Really makes it you want to keep reading

she died being lonely,
suicide note beside the rope
he cried then, he saw then
how he killed the prom queen

I like how you use the repetition of ‘then’ in the third line and how you put the whole suicide thing in one stanza, making it more of a surprise (though you could tell by the title) great ending for the poem (I find poems difficult to end well)

~RayLeen
4/5