I shake, I tremble, I can't hold still
My head. . . My fingers. . .
To weak to move, to weak to be more

These lines that you wrote, were my favorite. They really moved your poem along and kept me reading. The theme that I got from this poem was giving up and giving in. This song that you wrote is really amazingly strong and it dragged me through the narrators life as if I was this person.

I don't know what your intentions were when you wrote this poem, but it doesn't matter great writting comes from tallent. It's clear that you are a great poet.

Movements rigid and eyes so bleak
I shake, I tremble, I can't hold still
These doctors and nurses have broken my will
Other peoples blood in my veins isn't real

*This was the best part. One thing I would change was the last line. I would change it to "Other peoples blood in my veins doesn't feel real" That seems to flow better. Other than that nice job. Nik*