Slow and wilted mind of pain
Inside my tears they flow like rain
Once life and soul and smiling faces
Slowly drift in several places

*I would change the second line to "Inside lie my tears that flow like rain". Other than that I like how you start this. I can feel your pain right away.*

Wounded from a broken source
Feeling hatred and remorse
Numbing tears that blind my way
That clog my thoughts of things to say

*I would change the last line to "They clog my thoughts and I have nothing to say". I like how you show how the pain affects you in many ways. Very emotional*

Weeping less than once before
Dreaming pain while on the floor
Breathless moans and silent cries
Are all thats left when no one tries

*This stanza is perfect. the flow is great and the syntax doesn't confuse me. Nice work*

Time thats left won't ever be right
Will have me screaming day and night
That poisoned mind will soon give in
And realize I was not her sin

*I'd change the first line to "Time that's left will never be right" and The second line to "will leave me screaming day and night" Sorry I kept changing things. I just like to help when I can. Changes or not this was a great poem. I loved how emotional it was. The imagery was great as well. Keep it up. Nik*