Love... Rekindled (Retourne - Collab with Kel, edited by Ingrid)

Well done. Rekindled love is best because it was true in the first place and just had to take a break. True love always stays, year after, life after life. Good job with the form.

Bugs, It were such as pleasure of writing this poem with you. I think we'd written 3 poems together so far and i admire your vivid imagination and your talent as i poet.
Yes ingrid is right, you are kind and respectful and those qualities about you makes each time writing with you because a pleasure.
Keep on writing my dear Bhavin, you are simple a great person, hugs, kel.

You're doing great Bhavin:)

You remind me so much of my sweet son, with your kind and respectful behaviour:)

Keep writing my friend, you have a big fan in me:)

*hugs*

To Ingrid ma'am,

Thank you very much for your lovely piece of advice. I am sorry for the flaws as this is the first time I am doing a retourne. The necessary adjustments have been made. I would just like to tell why I wrote "Leaving pains beyond existence" because I wanted to convey that the pain needs to be wiped off its roots. I hope the meaning sounds fine. If you still think it doesnt sound better than I can rectify it again.

For the line "Recreating glad fantasies" I used it because according to the meaning, the love was already present but it just needed to be rekindled. So I used the word "recreating"

(The second line of first stanza "clossing" was a spelling error. Sorry about that. Haste is waste. Hahaha.)

Thanks a ton for your advice. It really means special to me.

Bhavin,

Indeed you and Kel have done justice to this form.
I found a few minor flaws that I will run by you now:

Opened up a frail heart to love
With eyes clossing doors of despair
Dreaming of love to flow like stream
Leaving pains beyond existence.

^^^
Clossing should be closing, to close the door ON despair is also better, imo.
and" leaving pains behind in the past" sounds better to me

Dreaming of love to flow like a stream is a beautiful wish and expression:)

With eyes closing doors of despair
An unspoken sound whispers me
Come, lets believe in love again
And its magic of healing pains.

^^

Sounds great to me, to believe in love again!
Loved this stanza:)
skip "an"in the second line, because you have 9 syllables there.

Dreaming of love to flow like stream
Within a fraction of second
Pleasant thoughts run across mind
Recreating glad fantasies.

^^
the third line has 7 syllables, you could say: "my mind"
Fourth line I would change to: creating happy fantasies

Leaving pains beyond existence
And drown into ocean of bliss
Terminating all glum feelings
And rekindle lost love again.

^^
Lovely stanza:)

I advice you only to capitalize words at the beginning of a new line when you start a new sentence too, unless you want to emphasize that particular word.

Overall I enjoyed this piece very much.
If you prefer me to crtitique your poems in private, then feel free to pm me the poem in question before posting, ok?

Excellent job Bugs ( and Kel) :)

*hugs*

5/5 Ingrid