You know, I was really expecting to be disappointed with the forum topic I made. I figured I would get all the generic, cliche poems dying to blindly praised. But this one IS different. This poem is really great, first one I've read in a long time that I could actually read word for word, and could really relate too, and feel. The flow is fantastic, and the way it is set up is interesting. (the pauses and all). All in all, I really enjoyed reading this, and hope (although doubt) that more poems like this surface, because it is super stellar!

For starters there is one thing I think you need to fix up:
"That controls my minds functioning system panel."
This line is a little confusing, it haults the flow all together so close to the poem. If you rearranged it it may benefit the flow.

Now, I really liked this. Your flow wasn't the best but with a poem like this, but with such complex meanings to be uncovered I don't think the flow could be improved anymore, anyway. In fact, I think it kind of fits the poem, because you're bombarding the reader with ways to think about things like erased dreams- then jump to something else without much time to let the reader determine what it all means until the end (and this doesn't constitute good flow).

Enough about the flow bullcrap.
"They bleed sarcasm"
I really really really liked this line, because sarcasm does ooze out of a being. It comes out gradually often without the person realising how sarcastic they are being. And oozing and bleeding work perfectly together, in a destructive way.

I also really like the nature of this poem, it isn't specifically "dark", but it does have some darker elements that you really push through, which I don't notice the first time I read through this poem but afterwards I did.

What I'm really trying to say is I like this a lot. You have well constructed thoughts, and the way this is written perfectly suits the context. Great work, 5/5.

jess ~