I feel like a lot of what I said in my last comments apply here - there needs to be more depth, and strength here, I believe. And again, I thought the rhythm was awkward. Honestly, I did find it difficult to concentrate reading this (I know this all sounds harsh, and for that I apologise, but it's not going to mkae you better if I feed your ego, and I assume you want to be better. Who doesn't?).

Brad

P.S. Please comment and vote honestly on every poem that you read.