This would make a good song- as lyrics, it is lovely. However I find it hard to follow, withgout a clear message. 3 from me, it is not bad in any sense of the word, just a little vague.

This would make a good song- as lyrics, it is lovely. However I find it hard to follow, withgout a clear message. 3 from me, it is not bad in any sense of the word, just a little vague.

I don't know if it's just me or if it's the fact that there's a song playing from my room mates bedroom right now.

I think that this would be better put to a beat and put as lyrics to a song.

I feel that the poem tried to hide behind a lot of things and seemed to put a lot of innuendo's in there and a lot of deep meaning into places that didn't require to have deep meaning.

The structure was a little off from what i'm used to but that didn't effect how I seen the poem.

This is a good poem, but I find it hard to get out of my head as a song. I even tapped my fingers a few times as if to count beats for a song and it's perfectly on beat with a lot of songs.

It's a wonderful piece of work and one you should be proud of.

Good job!

I find this poem emotionless and stale in it's approach. You use poetic words and poetic devices, but you use so many that the reader is bored and unamused. You seem to be trying to be artistic, just for the sake of being artistic. This makes the entire poem forced, with zero flow.

Peace and prosperity,

(RKD)

I find this poem emotionless and stale in it's approach. You use poetic words and poetic devices, but you use so many that the reader is bored and unamused. You seem to be trying to be artistic, just for the sake of being artistic. This makes the entire poem forced, with zero flow.

Peace and prosperity,

(RKD)

Forget not, the apathy of sun rays,
-Even if your lungs get stung and burnt.
Engulf the spineless cell of your being
Dream you may, only of twilight charm
For when the sun goes down,
That's where happiness resides,
- All the cries of anguish to hide.

*This was my favorite part. I love the use of personification. I think you use it well. And I wouldn't say your poem had no flow(like mr.meanie above me) The flow was just different, something I'm not used to, but I understand it. Once again I love the imagery. It's breathtaking. Very lovely poem. You are such a talented writer. Nik*

Great poem love the imagery and all but it feels like the poem is forced but the flow is good i think this poem would make a great song...

Very well written, it was a beautifully written poem, it flowed well and had depth and emotion within it.
great poem
5/5
xoxo

I haven't read a poem that has made me feel so calm as this one. Your word choice was beautiful and the ryme scheme was fantastic. A very creative way to express such incredible feelings.

5/5

keep up the good work!

HvN

I cant find the message that your trying to portray here, Its like your throwing in too much. I get lost with in it.

Behind the shifting clouds is a place
-of rainbows and butterflies
Where tears are gathered,
To -water parched eyes,
Where pains besom wide,
-The tormented hearts.

I love this stanza, it created images of a beautiful place...even if it is within the mind...excellent!

There were some parts that really caught my attention and i thought you worded it so well, there were other lines where i got a bit bored, and your message i didnt get, but i loved the ending.