The Ocean And The Fire

^-^ awesome poem!

Flairing across the night sky
See the bright star die
Watch the ocean rise with the wind
And take the man who sinned

*I like this. The use of weather is my favorite. I love the imagery here too. Very beautifully written*

The fire rises and begins to round
The burning makes a delightful sound
Torn apart by a swaying blade
And their lives begin to fade

*I like this. I would change the lats line to " And then their lives begin to fade" just sounds a little better to me*

Watch the butterfly
See the sorrow in its eye
It misses someone dear
One that's no longer here

*I love how you added in the butterfly...they're my favorite :) I love how you keep the flow and the style is one that I know well*

Will this make sense to me
Will someone save themselves for me
Is there someone here
Please tell me I'm not alone in fear

*I like how you ended this with so many questions. It leaves me thinking. I like that. This was a very intense piece. I live the diction and the imagery is just breathtaking. Veyr nice work. Nik*