Coffee stained sunset.

by ASPHYXIATED   Jun 3, 2009


Sometimes dreams turn to reality;
theres not much you can do
but let it flow, grab a hold, pray he dreams of you.
Its safe to say my mid-night world
is now a daily routine,
and all those stars I wished upon
are not as far as they seemed.

D
r
e
a
m
s
belong to all of us
we share the common thoughts
of reaching full potential
but in reality we're lost.

R
e
a
l
i
t
y
stalks our every move,
it reminds us of regret
for even in our deepest dreams
theres a coffee stained sunset.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Lauren Waszkiewicz

    Okay. so i liked this poem. i thought it was simplistic on the outside but i could tell there was something more. The flow of the poem was a little off. it seems to me like you cut off or changed the lines to make them fit your rhyming. Especially in the middle stanza. 'we share the common thoughts of reaching full potential' is one full thought, by chopping it up into two lines you're causing it to lose some of it's value.
    I'm not entirely sure i love the correlation between the coffeestained sunset and the rest of the poem. i think the relationship between the two could've been more.. relevant if you had made some type of comment about anything related to the coffee earlier in the poem.

    Okay, i'm done. :)

    xx:Lauren

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    I loved this write, wow I was really suprised by the title then reading something the total opposite of what I thought. Very well said, I couldnt have wrote something better than you have.. I do have to agree with Nema though, words like drop or rising do have a greater meaning, whereas dreams and reality dont really fit that kind of format that some have used as of lately. But at least you took the risk.. I admire that.

    Great job.

    5/5.

    Temps. [Beyond a Poets Mind]

  • 15 years ago

    by Nee

    "Its safe to say my mid-night world"
    ^
    Should be "It's" and "midnight".

    I still can't find what's the reason for writing "dreams" and "reality" the way you did.
    I guess you were influenced by Melissa's poem and all the other imitators..but the other words had their sense of like..
    d
    r
    o
    p
    s

    "Its safe to say my mid-night world
    is now a daily routine,
    and all those stars I wished upon
    are not as far as they seemed."
    ^
    I'm not sure whether the rhyme here was intentional or spontaneous, either way it somehow didn't flow really well.

    Your word choice could've been better. and I don't know why the ending didn't stick to me that much.

    However, we all are trying :)
    Write on~

  • 15 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Lisa:)

    I love how this looks on the page, with the words falling down and all.
    I love the message too, very reflective and deep. Well worth the read, dear girl:)

    but let it flow, grab a hold, pray he dreams of you.

    ^^
    I know this feeling!

    *hugs*

    5/5 Ingrid <3

  • 15 years ago

    by Corruption

    I like this poem alot
    it is very deep
    i think i may be to deep for me through
    but still i like this poem alot:)
    i like the way you set it up alot

    Good job:)

    Keenan

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