Deep Inside

by LameOANDSuperDork   Jun 10, 2009


Deep inside he's a liar
His mind consumed in scorching fire.
Deep inside his heart is abused
He can't accept that he's been misused.

Deep inside he hates them all
His anger beckons to watch them fall.
Deep inside he maintains the strife
But soon he'll begin to lose the fight.

Deep inside the demon roars
But his spirit so pure can't wait to soar.
Deep inside his head is screaming
His eyes so soft can't stop streaming.

Deep inside his heart fades
Wishing that it had seen better days.
Deep inside he's been put through this often
So now he'll lay dead in his coffin.

- Lame-O

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Deep inside he's a liar
    His mind consumed in scorching fire.
    Deep inside his heart is abused
    He can't accept that he's been used.

    *I love this. The imagery is perfect for the feelings you are trying to express. One thing I would chage is "used" I would say "misused"*

    Deep inside he hates them all
    His anger beckons to watch them fall.
    Deep inside he maintains the strife
    But soon he'll begin to lose the fight.

    *I like that you repeat "deep inside" It's very effective to the story you are trying to tell about this man*

    Deep inside his heart fades
    Wishing that it had seen better days.
    Deep inside he's been put through this often
    So now he'll lay dead in his coffin.

    *I think you rushed the ending. I was hoping you would talk abot what made him this way. Anyways I like the way you wrote this. Keep it up Nic. You never fail to amaze me. Nik*

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Wow, this was an impressive write. The repetition had a nice touch and the rhyming was wonderful. This was such a dark poem, but it held so much imagery too. 5/5 from me, keep on writing, always and forever...

    ~MaryAnne

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