My first

I have to block out memories
of times now so distant from its start
of times i use to laugh, smile, play
of times i use to cry, frown, or plague
he use to mean it all to me
he use to be my world
but the pain he left me suffering
left me ruined in bleeding remains

i don't think i can ever get over the pain that was felt here,
the sickness i felt to every word i spoke,
to every move i made i felt dizzy.
to every flash back that invaded my mind
leaving me with nothing but another memory of time.

it's funny how we never know
exactly how our lives will go.
always waiting on the yes, no's, or possibly so's
it's too much to handle when were only living for the minute

i know i will never forget him,
quite sure he's always going to have a part of me
but when it comes to me having the strenght to love again
he ALWAYS and will be the first to come to mind
the first to love me as much as he did
even though he cant admitt it
i can and always will admitt to the first real love i have ever endured