More of a Lesson than a Poem

Cupid cupid cupid.
throwing your arrows around like its nothing.
stabbing people in their back but it has the side effect of a butterfly like feeling in their stomach.
cupid, you have played with me,
hurt me,
and even taught me things.
like, how to not let you get the best of me,
to even showing me what love truly is.
what it could be.

cupid I have stood here and let you take control of me so many times before.
but I swore not to let it happen again.
so I built this brick wall around me so that your arrows would just ricochet off the walls instead of pierce me where it hurt most.

but this last time, I don't quite know if you were the one responsible for this.
you see,
I hurt. yes I did.
but I took something outta this way more than the tears
and that feeling inside that feels like a breaking heart.
I learned way more than any other 'love'
has ever taught me before.

but here's the catch.
I don't believe that it was actually love.
but there seems to be no other word to try and describe it.

you see, I didn't necessarily fall in love with this one.
I was just really interested.

you see,
what I learned is about where love can start to grow,
can start to develop.
that it's not all about jumping off that cliff hoping to be caught.
it starts with an interest.
and grows from there.

you see cupid,
you didn't really hit me with a head on collision.
I realized it COULD have been nice.
I learned that you could learn a lot just by listening,
and be taken aback.
I admired him from a distance and listened to his words and silence
even though he had no idea he was on my mind,
has no idea he has a place in my memory.
I learned all of this without having him speak a single word to me,
without even having a full conversation.
I learned that if you just listen to the silence,
look deeper than that outer layer everyone seems to have,
you could learn a lot about others.
about yourself.
and start love from there.