Comments : Gone

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Your note still folded in my palm
    Your smell still dusted against my pillow
    Your clothes in the closet...all gone"

    Excellent descriptions, and well-exressed emotions here.

    "I walk to the bed
    Where we used to lay
    My heart as heavy as lead
    But you just couldn't stay"

    The flow here is good and so is the rhyming, good job so far, you write well!

    "Your ghost is all I see
    Pictures of us hanging from the wall
    No more you, no more me"

    This is so heartbreaking, it must be so hard to live with that.

    "You're gone and you've left
    You've ripped out my heart
    And ripped it to death"

    Repeating "ripped" a second time kind of threw me off, maybe replace it with another word?

    "The cancer took over
    And turned everything black
    The cancer took you under
    And I can't bare to look back"

    A very sad and emotional ending, cancer is so horrible, and I am so sorry that that happened. Take care and God Bless.

    ~MaryAnne

  • 15 years ago

    by lizz

    I'm so sorry if this is true, I hope you're okay and don't worry, not even pain lasts forever