Thin Thought

by Jad   Jun 15, 2009


I walk on thin glass,
Above a deep ravine.
Somewhere in the vast,
Is why here I ling.

Still searching for it,
But to no avail.
Even if the path was lit,
I would still not prevail.

I have now come to the end.
The glass is now shattering.
This memory is now rend,
And I no longer ling.

As I fall into perpetual dark,
I try to recall this last thought.
But its gone from my heart,
So I'll just cast aside everything I have wrought.

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Krista

    Excellent poem Austin! I liked your use of words in this. Although I didn't really recognize "ling", it still fit.

    Okay. One problem I have with this. You don't need to capitalize every line, one the ones that start a sentence. I know it looks nice and all, but it's not necessary.

    Secondly. The last stanza, third line. its should be it's since it is makes more sense than its. It's just a common grammar problem with an easy fix. :)

    Lastly, use more punctuation than just commas and periods. Get creative with it! Add some semi-colons, colons...stuff like that, but make sure it's necessary and actually fits in the place you put it. Adding little things like this better your poetry, trust me.

    Overall, great write. Just a few problems that can be easily fixed. :)

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