Comments : I'm Not Alone

  • 15 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    Gone straight to my favourites and nominated.
    I adore this.

    First off about the contest;
    What I was looking for really was each member to take a normal title and make it their own.
    And you have really done this-
    its not at all what I expected from such a title,
    the concept and idea are so original. So well done and good luck. Its a tough contest, but you've really made it even tougher. If that makes sense.

    Disclaimer-
    I'm not going to critque this as it is a contest poem.

    "Book splits open with a tremor of the spine"
    `Your opening line is filled with anticipation to read said book, but also gives the reader anticipation to read on. I got my own tremor of the spine from this line alone, superb.

    "Pull me into otherworldly realms"
    `Such a different way to describe the effect a good book has on you, but it fits so perfect. You become addicted, not wanted to set the book down in fears of breaking the charm. Its your own little escape in to "otherworldly realms".

    I quite enjoyed the technique of using rhyme in the first stanza, to catch the reader. And then letting the bliss of the poem ceate its own flow, a unique flow of its own.

    "Prologue, Chapter 1:"
    `You got techincal about the structure of a book, I liked that. Also one thing I really found good, different from other poems with this idea is that you didn't go on to describe the book or anything like that. You let the reader fill in the blanks with their own experiences of litreture.
    While you explained your own thoughts.

    "Characters from another age, separate dimensions
    Quickly become my dearest companions"
    `Oooofff. this is by far my favourite part of the poem. I understand completely how you feel here, feeling like you are part of the book, the story- not just on onlooker.

    "Parallel universes exposed
    Here in my room
    (In the end)
    I'm not alone"
    `Excellent way to bring the title in to the poem.
    Woah, I'm actually gobsmacked Britt.
    I didn't expect this at all, the idea is really excellent.
    And I love the end, went caught up in a good book you honestly feel like you're in the book surrounded by familiar faces even though you're all snug on your own.

    Good lucck! (:

  • 15 years ago

    by ghosts in bloom

    Brittnizzle, my lovely and wonderful friendmate, did I not tell you you were freaking talented?! (:

    You should believe in your skills more, eh? Eh?

    YEAH.
    Alllllright, here goes!

    "Book splits open with a tremor of the spine
    And the heavy scent of pages well aged overwhelms
    Words attract and grab ahold of my eyes
    Pull me into otherworldly realms"
    ^The first two lines remain some of my favorite (: You capture a moment vividly, and let us, as readers, write the empty pages ourselves, which I think is fabulous. Adds a new element to this kind of piece.

    "Prologue, Chapter 1: the story's begun
    Such prospects for new adventure!
    Can't be described as merely fiction
    When these tales retain such luscious texture"
    ^Love the technical explanation of the book! It's a fun little touch, adding detail, without flat telling the reader what kind of book it is etc, still allowing us to make this a more personal piece. I also like how you went from rhymey rhymey to slant rhyme. No word is forced, it just flows effortlessly (: The last two lines made me go "Whut!" Heh. Books are such an important medium for people, they have so much power in how they touch and affect lives; you've put that quite well.

    "Characters from another age, separate dimensions
    Quickly become my dearest companions"
    ^This is sweet. (: I can relate to it, as books are often my escape -- and when I can't stand being where I am, I have the opportunity to leave through my novels. So so true, love it.

    "Parallel universes exposed
    Here in my room
    (In the end)
    I'm not alone"
    ^Fabulousss! Love that you put 'in the end' inside parentheses, it changes the way one reads it, and adds depth! People should take advantage of grammatical signs and whatnot more, because they're powerful tools!

    The cadence of this piece was awesome. (: It started in a more structured fashion, sounding make-believe and cinematic, and dripped down into personal and fervent thought, ... I thought it really gathered and rounded itself off nicely. (: I've read it through a few times, too, and like it more with each go.

    I'm nominating this!
    :D
    Youuuu're fantastic!

  • 15 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Wow Britt, what a write, I loved it. However, there was no punctuation in this piece, I think by adding it, it will give this piece so much more depth in my opinion. I really liked the rhythm of this piece, it flowed really nicely. I'd also have to say, you don't need to capitalize every begining word of each line. The only time you really need to us capitalization is when you are starting a sentence or emphisising a word. Overall this was a fantastic write Britt, I really don't have much to critique here. Great job, keep up the fantastic work. :]

    Peace, Joe

  • 15 years ago

    by Good Enough

    I love this poem. Its really good. Keep up the good work.

  • 15 years ago

    by Rachel RTVW

    Book splits open with a tremor of the spine
    heavy scent of pages well aged (don't use so many filler words, they are not needed)

    Attracting words grab ahold of my eyes (again, you can remove the filler words without changing the meaning)
    pulling me to other worldly realms

    Prologue, Chapter 1:The beginning
    Such prospects for new adventure!
    Can't be described as merely fiction
    these tales retain such lucious texture

    Characters from another age, separate dimensions ( I would get rid of the seperate dimensions....you do say parallel universe down below which sounds great. I wouldn't keep saying the same thing over and over but in different ways.)
    Quickly become my dearest companions

    Parallel universes exposed
    Here in my room
    (In the end) why the parenthesis?
    I'm not alone

    I thought you had a good foundation and an interesting metaphor with the parallel universe. It is easy to get lost inside a good book. I think many people can relate to that.