Comments : The Connection

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Opalescent
    Eyes that haunt
    Skinless shivers
    Lips that taunt"

    A stunning opening that grabs the reader's attention and holds it there.

    "Spellbound mind
    Naked soul
    Running wild
    Yet in control"

    Here and in the rest of this piece there is a flawless flow that is so smooth, and perfect rhyming, that is not forced. Excellent descriptions here that tell the reader so much.

    "Fingers trace
    Awakened skin
    The hungry mask
    Of nature's sin"

    Love the wording here, this stanza was well-written as all the others, and you portrayed much imagery.

    "This pounding
    Deep inside her chest
    Spoke volumes
    On all held suppressed"

    Wow, it seriously just gets better and better. Lovely write so far, Beautiful Chaos.

    "Freedom called
    Her ache profound
    I longed to free
    What others bound"

    Not much more I can say, I am running out of words. Wonderful wonderful job.

    "A kiss explodes
    As lips collide
    The hunger freed
    Won't be denied"

    Just the thought of "a kiss explodes" sends so much imagery into my mind, and I thought it was very well-penned. I would have never thought to say that. I also like "lips collide" how sweet.

    "Bodies twist
    Into the night
    Two wrongs melded
    Born one right"

    The ending was beyond perfect, describing how "bodies twist" is so romantic. I like how you mention "two wrongs melded, born one right". How true and heartfelt your words are.

    5/5 from me, I admire your poetry so much.

    Keep writing, always and forever...

    ~MaryAnne

  • 15 years ago

    by Nee

    I love it Jenn :)
    At first it gave me such a warm feeling in the inside..and yet you ended it beautifully!
    Great work, as usual :)

    "Freedom called
    Her ache profound
    I longed to free
    What others bound"
    ^My fave line here :) thank you!

    This is such a good write honey.
    Keep it up~

  • 15 years ago

    by Rachel RTVW

    Opalescent
    Eyes that haunt
    Skinless shivers
    Lips that taunt

    Spellbound mind
    Naked soul
    Running wild
    Yet in control

    Fingers trace
    Awakened skin
    The hungry mask
    Of nature's sin

    This pounding (I think it would sound better if you said Relentless pounding
    Deep inside her chest Inside her chest
    Spoke volumes Spoke volumes
    On all held suppressed On all supressed
    to keep in line with the not using too many filler words as you did in the other stanzas)

    Freedom called
    Her ache profound
    I longed to free
    What others bound

    A kiss explodes
    As lips collide
    The hunger freed
    Won't be denied

    Bodies twist
    Into the night
    Two wrongs melded
    Born one right

    The flow and rhythm are great! It is rhymed perfectly, not forced with inversion or just picking any old word just as long as it rhymes. The piece is thought provoking and clever. I love the way the combination of the short syllable lines with just the right amount of fillers sounds when read aloud. I also like the articulate word choice, use of metaphors and vivid imagery. Never disappointed with your unique way of writing about topics many can relate to. Nice job!

  • 15 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    Yet again I am surprised that out of the 300 plus people who read your poem only three others besides me voted for it? It seems ironical to me that a poem of this calibre with such imagery could not open them up to tell you just how good it is, still that s life as a poet .
    I gave you 5/5 for your excellent poem Ray S all I want to say is in the other comments.