This poem was simply amazing

Hello honey how was you day?
When the sun goes down it'll be time to play.
I've been watching you for quite some time,
Today I make you mine.

this part was alittle rocky
but after that the flow was excellent
you have talent.
5/5

Creepy. It certainly is time to be afraid lol. This was a decent poem. The rhythm was thrown off at times because you used different amounts of syllables while rhyming, but it wasn't too bad. Good job.

"Hello honey how was you day?
When the sun goes down it'll be time to play.
I've been watching you for quite some time,
Today I make you mine"

Hello honey how was your day?

Very lyrical start. I can sense this is a real person

I'll show no mercy, no remorse,
I'll let nature take its course.
It's almost time to play,
It's time to be afraid."

This reminds me of the fear I usually felt at the onset of romance which adds to the excitement

"I crave your frightened screams.
It's been in all my dreams.
It's time to play my game,
Their face is all the same."

"The feeling's nothing new,
There's only been a few.
Your time is almost done,
I had so much fun."

"There's no need to cry,
Its time to say goodbye.
It's all over now,
Your body's lifeless now."

You don't show mercy do you

This is a very cute poem that would make good song lyrics

"Hello honey how was you day?
When the sun goes down it'll be time to play.
I've been watching you for quite some time,
Today I make you mine."

First line- "you" should be "your".

Next three lines- A beautiful way to start the poem, the rhyming is good and keeps the reader reading.

"I'll show no mercy, no remorse,
I'll let nature take its course.
It's almost time to play,
It's time to be afraid."

I like the power and determined kind of attitude you have here, good job. But the last line doesn't rhyme with the others and kind of threw me off, since everything else rhymes.

"I crave your frightened screams.
It's been in all my dreams.
It's time to play my game,
Their face is all the same."

I love this part, the flow is good and you express your feelings well. I am enjoying this piece.

"The feeling's nothing new,
Theres only been a few.
Your time is almost done,
I had so much fun."

Second line- "Theres" should be "There's".

Otherwise, nice job here, there could be more imagery portrayed, but that's alright.

"There's no need to cry,
Its time to say goodbye.
It's all over now,
Your body's lifeless now."

Second line- "Its" should be "It's".

A very cool poem, not to mention the ending. That last line struck the reader and really got them. Nice work, you did well on this.

Take care and God Bless You!

~MaryAnne

This is very powerful...
i looooooooove it<3333

Hey! I really liked this one! Very dark though. Very well written Jess!! I enjoyed it! Keep up the great writing! xxx

Hello honey how was you day?
^^ I know you intentionally wrote you instead of your, however it would always look better if you write the complete form as it would distract the contents..You did not use the same with the rest of your poem..if you know what i mean..

I crave your frightened screams.
It's been in all my dreams.
It's time to play my game,
Their face is all the same.
^^it should be their faces, just a monir mistake tough.

Other than that, i was simply blown by this piece..I loved everything about it. The rhyme, flow, structure are flawless.. Good job..

I didn't like how you put now twice at the end of the last two lines of the last stanza. It ruined the ending for me. Also the rhyming became to monotonous(sp?) I felt like it over ruled the poem, and your message. Although I still enjoyed there was just something that intrigued me.
4/5

Wow very dark, it left me with chills.
Its been a while since i have read something that has made me feel something so good job im giving you a 5. it was a good write. You need to keep it up doll!
-laura

Ur poem was very nice the beggining was captivating and got my attention try adding more detail so we can visualize wat u r portraying ur rhyming was a little off make sure it matches with the stanza be4 that but very nice job

Umm... im not as like prefeshinal as most of these are but w.e u know im just gunna go 4 it.! tehe. Well i loved it. i thought it was "capivating" (sp?) and i didnt stop reading it at all. so good job :) 5 outa 5!
**Bri**

Umm... im not as like prefeshinal as most of these are but w.e u know im just gunna go 4 it.! tehe. Well i loved it. i thought it was "capivating" (sp?) and i didnt stop reading it at all. so good job :) 5 outa 5!
**Bri**

Very afraid infact, quite a menacing poem, but well written. 5/5

I wouldn't want to meet someone who thinks this about me... :P

Very nice write, I love your choice of words.
Great job. :)

This poem was amazing. It really sent chills down my spine, like I could feel the darkness creeping out after me. This really struck a chord with me after reading the book "The Lovely Bones", it's a great read, you should check it out.

Also,

I'll show no mercy, no remorse,
I'll let nature take its course.
It's almost time to play,
It's time to be afraid.

My favorite part of the entire poem. It really sells the idea of someone coming after you, under the guise of playfulness. I like how the title fell in with the last line "It's time to be afraid", but I feel like it would have really pulled it all together if you had been able to incorporate that line in there somewhere at the end. Overall, a great poem 4/5

--Nevi

Wow, i fell in love with this poem. It is just... amazing.. I loved it and all your poetry is so good.. You done an amazing job!!!!
5/5

Ewww......made me sudder, and thats no easy feat. I like how you left alot to the imagination. So much better that way as the mind often sees something much more horrible then when shown something.