Friendship on Fire.

This is a good poem, it's not your best, but it is something that i've come to see a lot of from you the temps.

This poem is filled with emotion if you read each word it comes off very nicely until I read this "As fervor is drizzled atop," I don't think that fervor is a word. perhaps you meant Fever? or forever? i'm not sure I just tried to goggle it to see if my vocab has been lacking *which I admit it has been*

This poem is something that had a bold statement to put into words of a poem. I think that jeremy taylor is that recently said that, not entirely sure.

Good poem, but it wasn't up to your usual, I expected a knock my socks off type of poem.

"Wood slabs composed
of friendship assemble to
create a foundation for
potent love."

In the first line I really didn't like how you said "slabs", maybe use a stronger word? I just didn't feel like this worked well. The style of this piece is very fresh and unique Temps, its cool. I love the last three lines in this stanza, excellent wording that perfectly expresses all that you are trying to say. Beautiful work.

"As fervor is drizzled atop,
affection bursts
into scorching flames,
blazing with passion."

I agree with Valedico on the first two lines. It was drizzled atop, then all the sudden bursting into flames? Maybe add a line or two in between to build it up for the reader, that was the only part I felt that was rushed.

"Burning rapidly,
love's scent is
released like
wood smoke."

I like this edited stanza better than before, lust was not fitting. Good job here, this is a entrancing write.

"The warmth melts
love, sending
friendship
on fire."

Love the ending, I think it fits much better than what you had before, nice job on editing, you are good at it. This is a short summary of everything that's happening, and it satisfyed the reader.

A wonderful piece though, and I enjoyed reading this new one.

Take care and have a good week.

~MaryAnne

Overall it is well written but is a little choppy when reading. Maybe words could be moved or I should say lines broken at different places and that would improve the flow. I said before it is good to see you using different forms than just 4 lines verses. You are growing. Good job.

I think 'wood slabs' is the least poetic phrase in this piece and as a starting phrase, it needs to be stronger. If you're suggesting that friendship is related to a burning piece of wood, you could perhaps deliver it better. Is one friendship a collection of wood or just one piece? Be precise.

'As fervor is drizzled atop,
affection bursts
into scorching flames,
blazing with passion. '

The transition here was neat, but it happens too quickly, as soon as it's drizzled on top, it suddenly bursts alight. The continuity is a bit off there. 'Blazing with passion' is also a bit trite and it's just a case of removing 'passion' because it doesn't get across what you need it to.

'Burning rapidly,
lust releases itself
permeating two hearts
with love's scent.'

The metaphor dies here, you don't need 'hearts' and you could compare loves scent to the scent of wood burning, if this was your metaphor. I admire your choice of metaphor, I just think you forgot about it here. 'Lust' is too abstract too, lust is not love, yet you're juxtaposing them too clumsily. Your idea is there but the execution is off.

'The warmth melts
their souls into one,
as friendship
is set on fire.'

Again, see here, it turns into an ordinary love poem at the end. You started well and went downhill. You mentioned 'wood' and now we're talking about souls? Temps you need to focus and keep your reader in your zone otherwise it's just going to trail off like it did here and at the end it's just going to be another average love poem.

This has potential, work on it.

Well, I think it looks beautiful as it is, Temps.
Maybe someone else can see how it can be improved upon, but to me it looks fine.
Indeed the best love evolves from friendship.

You go girl:)

*hugs*

5/5 Ingrid