Great poem!
love the first stanza!
:D

Nobody Will Ever Understand.. I agree with you on that one Shaun as what you have written to me says just that.
I in the end after reading several times assume this is an introverted mind struggling with thoughts of suicide.
2nd stanza 1st line
' feel so empty and alone.. in this constant war,'
2nd stanza 3rd line
'My brain says "Do it!".. My heart says "Don't",'
Then after reading the last stanza the thought of paranoia raised its ugly head
3rd stanza
'The voice inside.. says I'm worth nothing at all,
I'm struggling.. but nobody hears my pleading call,'
That was confirmed with the last 2 lines,
'hey think I'm crying out for attention.. but I'm not,
Now I'm the one.. everyone went and forgot.'

Cleverly constructed poem that certainly to me got your message across 5/5 Ray S

I look out the window, to see what I'm missing,
Trapped inside these four walls.. I'm reminiscing,
Nothing will be the same.. everything has changed,
I'm left in a world of my own.. totally deranged.

*I like this. It has a pattern that I think you should keep. I like the usage of the ... I think it adds a nice touch to the poem. I also like the simple way it rhymes.*

I feel so empty and alone.. in this constant war,
All these thoughts and feelings.. I just can't ignore,
My brain says "Do it!".. My heart says "Don't",
Nobody believes me.. and thinks that I won't.

*I love this stanza. I can really relate to what you are saying here. You express you emotions so well and clearly. I feel like I'm inside your heart. Nice*

The voice inside.. says I'm worth nothing at all,
I'm struggling.. but nobody hears my pleading call,
They think I'm crying out for attention.. but I'm not,
Now I'm the one.. everyone went and forgot.

*Aww suck a sad ending. I would have liked to see you wrap up your ideas. I feel like you left this unfinished. I feel like it's missing something. Other than that I though you did a wonderful job. Keep it up. Nik*

"I look out the window, to see what I'm missing,
Trapped inside these four walls.. I'm reminiscing,
Nothing will be the same.. everything has changed,
I'm left in a world of my own.. totally deranged."

A great opening stanza, the rhyming here is fresh and isn't forced at all. These lines bring the reader into this piece, into what you are feeilngs.

"I feel so empty and alone.. in this constant war,
All these thoughts and feelings.. I just can't ignore,
My brain says "Do it!".. My heart says "Don't",
Nobody believes me.. and thinks that I won't."

I honestly don't have any suggestions, your wording is so heartfelt adn many can relate. Well-expressed emotions and thoughts of how you are truly feeling.

"The voice inside.. says I'm worth nothing at all,
I'm struggling.. but nobody hears my pleading call,
They think I'm crying out for attention.. but I'm not,
Now I'm the one.. everyone went and forgot."

Good ending, though I do agree with Nik above, it seems unfinished. Otherwise, this was a very heartbreaking piece. Keep writing, always and forever..

~MaryAnne

I hate being able to relate, but this just made me realize that I'm not truly alone.
If this is how yu really feel too.

5/5

x

Wow....i fell the pain popping out from the poem...so deep....so sad...its amazing

The voice inside.. says I'm worth nothing at all,
I'm struggling.. but nobody hears my pleading call,
They think I'm crying out for attention.. but I'm not,
Now I'm the one.. everyone went and forgot.

That's my favorite part...i can relate to the feeling
keep writting please...