MaryAnne,

sometimes, when we are awake for a very long time we become lucid and we start to see things diferently.
I think you made a really beautiful poem and you have out done yourself with this one....a very mature write..

As dawn breaks and I watch the sunrise,
I push away the fact that you departed,
And welcome in the memories collected,
I am free to dream, no longer entangled.
^^^

Most beautiful stanza, I could almost see you sitting there..

Very well done!

*hugs*

5/5 Ingrid

"I feel like time is working against me,
Prolonging the day's hours and minutes,
So I am left to contemplate thoughts,
That loiter around, in absolute proximity."
`I love your opening line, indeed sometimes we feel like time is against us and not letting us have that time to think. Loved your usage of loiter, that was great.

"After I have examined the crucial concepts,
My heart hesitates towards the strictures,
That have been enveloping certain memories,
So that I would neglect my feelings about you."
`Not much I can say about your stanza here, you express your feelings to a great extent and they flow nicely together.

"But I must cut these vicious vines,
For they obliterate my actual affections,
I want to know again that sensation,
That tickles my veins, such shivers of bliss."
`A few great alliterations here, loved vicious vines, great job expessing that you wish to feel love once again.

"As dawn breaks and I watch the sunrise,
I push away the fact that you departed,
And welcome in the memories collected,
I am free to dream, no longer entangled."
`Such a uplifting, optimism filled last stanza. I loved the setting of the sunrise, it eases the readers mind, such a great vivid imagery and to know that you are no longer entangled and free to dream fits this scene so well. Your ending was awesome dear.

Great work! Loved thisss!

5/5. Temps

I loved the title! Really captured my attention.

"I feel like time is working against me,"
^What a great opening! It was like BOOM here it is and you just got right into it. I like that. I've felt like that too so I know where you're coming from.

"So I am left to contemplate thoughts,
That loiter around, in absolute proximity."
^I loved your word choice..."proximity" "loiter" You don't see that a lot in poetry so its refreshing seeing something new. I know how that feels. When you have so many thoughts in your mind and time doesnt seem to be moving as fast as youd like it and all youre left to do is sit and think which always leads to getting lost in thought. Not always healthy but I've been guilty of that as well.

"After I have examined the crucial concepts"
^Loved the alliteration.

"My heart hesitates towards the strictures,"
^More alliteration! :]

"But I must cut these vicious vines,
For they obliterate my actual affections,"
^Beautifully said! "Vicious vines" was so unique! But thats what it feels like sometimes, being entangled in vines without a knife to cut through.

"I want to know again that sensation,"
^Doesn't really flow well for me. Perhaps "I want to know that sensation again."

"That tickles my veins, such shivers of bliss."
^This was so cute! Made me smile. :]

What a wonderful ending! I loved how you closed it with optimism. No matter how many times we lose ourselves in thought and become tangled, there is always a way out even if its not visible at first. After the ending of a love all you're left to do is store away the memories but not look back. You look to the future with your head held high in search of a new better love. Its never fun remembering the past and how it once was but just remember it will be better in the future.

Well done! I really enjoyed this because it was easy to relate.

*5/5*