Daisy the Duck (Children's Poem)

Awww! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this write, i was actually smiling whilst i was reading it and the bit where the ducklings got lost i was actually a little worried and then glad they were recovered once again! That proves how well this poem is written; and obviously everyone loves a poem with a good 'moral to the story' =]
The tongue twister for the opening was awesome, totally made me want to keep reading as it immediately drew me in.
A beautiful write for children, but a message that addresses all i believe.
Ps. Thank you for commenting on my latest write =]
Don't stop writing..
MEZi..x

What an imagination you have and able to put it into words so sweetly. A wonderful poem that puts a smile on the face and a glow in the heart

"Daisy the duck, is the mother of six delightful ducklings,
devilish Delia, ditsy Doris, darling Daphne, dazzling Dave,
dapper Dan and doubtful Deloris.
Following her everywhere, single file,
tiny yellow, fuzzy little creatures,
waddling along without a care,
unaware of dangers that exist."

- I really like this first stanza. I enjoyed the tongue twister; very clever.

On a walk one day, in search of food,
Daisy suddenly realized they had all disappeared.
She could hear them squawking with fear.
Daisy waddled as fast as she could toward the sound.
No! No! No!, she quacked,
my ducklings have fallen into a storm drain.
Daisy quacked so loud, a crowd began to gather
to see what was the matter.

- It flowed very nicely in the first stanza but in this one, somewhere in the middle of the stanza the flow is lost.

They saw the tiny ducklings through the grate of the drain,
and tried with all their might to get them out.
An impossible task, a call for help was made.
Firemen, policemen, people of all kinds came.
A ladder was lowered into the storm drain,
and the ducklings were brought to safety, one at a time,
to the sound of cheers, as each reached the ground.

- This part's really cute, good flow too.

Daisy rushed to her babies, gathered them around.
She said, we have all been remiss in our behavior.
My responsibility is to look out for you, I failed.
You, my little ducklings, did not pay attention to where you were going
and a bad thing happened.

- Very direct. Not once have I been bored.

Let this be a lesson, we have to be careful, watch out for each other.
You must remember that no one is perfect, and we all make mistakes.
They should be used as a learning experience in our life.
With that said, Daisy gave a nod of her head and
devilish Delia, ditsy Doris, darling Daphne, dazzling Dave,
dapper Dan, doubtful Deloris formed a line,
quacking with glee, off they went in search of more adventures.

- The ending is such a happy one! I really like the beggining of the stanza, finishing off with the lesson, then at the end, sliding in the rest of the story.

Great write, very cheerful. Keep it up!

-mandy :)

Sylvia,
It's always so nice to come across something very light hearted to read and also with a great message. Our little ducklings need to be careful because they know no fear. Great write dear.

Take Care,
Kay

Sylvia,

It is a shame that we live in a world where danger is so prevalent. Long gone is the world where innocence could once roam free and without real risk of harm. This tale speaks of the modern world full of dangers that lurk around every corner. Unfortunately we have to stifle such purity and freedom of spirit in a world that preys on them.

Well done on this daring write, I liked it.

Michael