Why My Cuts Are Deep

His words like flame against my skin.
His stair>STARE - NOT STAIR< like ice burning from within.
His voice so steady so urgent so pure...
I don't know how much more i can endure.
His hands so warm against my cold pale cheek.<---TOO MANY WORDS.
His comforting laugh is all i tend to seek.

All my life this perfect man avoids my watchful eye.<---REMOVE PERFECT.
All my soul pleads for his presents>PRESENCE - NOT PRESENTS< here.
All along i wait for him,
All i get is lost hopes and heart break.<---NICE.
His on going absents like a stake.<---STAKE?? - TRY 'SHARP STAKE'.
A stake through the heart,
One I'm sure i deserved from the start.

For his love to comfort me,
For his arms to hold me,
For his words to guide me.
Is that to much>TO ASK<?

What must i earn?
What must I do?
^{EARN/DO}SAME THING, DIFFERENT WORD^

Forever alone,
Forever torn.<---NICE.
Life unmasked and a word to warn.
Love is love will always be love...<---MAKES NO SENCE.
Yet i don't deserve it.
Don't find it.
Cant rewind life to save it.<---NICE.
Couldn't if i tried.
Cause i was torn apart the moment love died.<---NICE.

It died in my arms many blue>REMOVE BLUE< moons ago.
And its true even if my pain doesn't show.<---NICE.
Love was shot in a bar for nothing to gain.<MAKES NO SENCE.
Love died slowly in a merciless pain...<---NICE.
It was my savIOUr. it held my unborn heart.
Can you see now before my time my world was torn apart?<---NICE

But its OK...i tend to say,
Ill live. and i do. heh maybe someday my friend ill Ive to write for you.<---MAKES NO SENCE.

Lovely days with new friends and old.<---NICE.
One day of living is enough for my old soul. <---REMOVE OLD.

>>SOME GOOD BITS AND SOME BAD BITS. AN OK POEM BUT NEEDS ALOT MORE THOUGHT TO GO INTO IT. SOME THINGS FOR ME MADE NO SENCE AT ALL, EVEN AFTER I RE-READ YOUR POEM 4 TIMES - TRY AND MAKE IT AS SIMPLE AND CLEAR AS POSSIBLE FOR THE READER SO THAT THEY CAN CONECT TO BOTH THE POEM AND YOURSELF<<

not bad.

IBE
X