Hey
I really liked your poem and i could see you have some talent here. The flow and rhythm of the poem was really brilliant and also the meaning behind it was great.

I just think you could fix one or two things to make it much better...

It hurts and it burns
yet my hear yearns,
Yearns for something...
More...

Someone I do believe...
Can you help me?

all of your poem had a great flow and everything but these 2 stanzas ^^^ were a little bit messy... (just trying to help) if you want to just touch it up a little and your whole poem would be perfect. =)

>>GREAT POEM, GREAT RHYMES, GREAT WORDING. IN SOME PLACES LINES FEEL FORCED AND SOME LINES GET CUT OFF SHORT<<

>>READ THROUGH IT AGAIN AND SEE IF ANYTHING POPS OUT AT YOU TO CHANGE - I FIND THAT ONCE IVE WRITTEN A POEM I CAN READ IT OVER AND OVER AND I WILL END UP CHANGING MINOR THINGS TO MAKE IT BETTER THAN BEFORE<<

well done, an excellent read.

IBE
X

I also liked this poem:)
its rlly cute:]