"Looking out the window
watching life pass by
children playing down below
planes fly up high"

Good opening, describing the scene around you. I just feel like "fly" should be "flying", I think it sounds better, but its totally up to you. And then if you take my suggestion, delete up then and it will flow beautifully. Then, just place a period at the end line.

"an elderly couple feed the birds in the park
a young couple watch the sunset at the beach
and yet this young person sits in the window
hoping their dreams were in their reach."

I love how you give two examples, the elderly couple and young couple then set your focus on a young person, not knowing who they are, or why they are doing what they are doing. Excellent rhyme and flow here.

"Looking out the window
one day hoping for a change
now watching everyone else
that can be seen within their range"

Just place a period at the last line and this will read better. I am quite enjoying this poem, its easy to read and is brought alive by your words.

"Intoxicated drivers
killing people in a crash
crime in the streets
lives changing in a flash"

I love how you worded this, its so true and heartbreaking. So many lives change, you are so right. Add a period at the end of that last line.

"wars over seas
families scared to death
teenagers doing drugs
involved in crystal meth."

Your flow and rhyme is right on target in this piece, it just reads so smoothly. This stanza truly captures the horror that some people face.

"Still looking out the window
the streets are black and white
everything seems so distant
and yet, it's all within their sight"

Add a period at ending line above.

This is a thoughtful piece I must say, you really get the reader into what you are saying, nice work!

"people losing their jobs
you can see fear in their eyes
a young couple lose their house
and all they can do is cry."

You have captured the pain and fear so well here, its quite horrible that they have to live through that.

"Looking out the window
realizing their life isn't so bad
that it could be worst
but for everyone else, they are now sad"

Third line: "worst" should be "worse".

That last line I think could be better worded, its lengthy and just could be better said.

"But who is this young person?
as mysterious as can be
sitting in the window of distress
this person is just me."

Oh, I loved the ending. The question too, as the reader thinks who it is. It is so mysterious and then to find out its you.

Overall, well done. You have talent my friend and I thank you for posting this. It made me think.

Take care and God Bless You!

~MaryAnne

The rhythem and rhyme is a little shaky to me. If u read it out loud it might help you a little bit. All in all i love the concept. Very interesting.

>>GREAT POEM, ALL STANZAS WHEN READ ALOUD SOUND AMAZING, FROM START TO FINISH THE WORDS RATTLE OF THE TONGUE SO SMOOTH. I LOVE HOW YOU TALK ABOUT DIFFERENT THINKS BUT KEEP IT ALL MOULDED AS ONE.<<

Great work, you deffinatly have talent.

IBE
X

This is a very good poem, l really like the topic as its so true in these hard times with the economy being the way it is. Alot of people feel helpless and this poem does a great job of capturing the essence of that topic. Great job.

Wow...I loved this. I agree with Ashley though. But other than that I think you did a great job hun. Keep it up :) Nik

Beautifully written. The whole thing flowed perfectly. I often feel trapped inside, looking out at the world, enjoying and destroying itself.

Good job.

WOw... Very Interesting... This poem is very different from what I'm normally used to... I like it. U've described this mysterious person and their feelings very well... Also, the title itself captures attention!

Good Job..
5/5! :)

'Looking out the window
watching life pass by
children playing down below
planes flying high'
`Great beginning, youve definatly set the scene, as we can see you looking out a window down at the children. I didnt like the last line 'planes flying high' .. it doesnt set as much imagery for me, I can see planes high in the sky.. but maybe planes roaring high would sound better, you get the sense of how loud they are perhaps? if you want to go that direction awesome, if not thats fine too.. just a suggestion. One more suggestion, maybe add some puncuation, I dont think a poet should rely highly on the rhyme to make the poem flow.. you need puncuation for pausing purposes and such. Like for example you should have a period after high, cause its a complete thought. An should be capitolized following that.

'an elderly couple feed the birds in the park
a young couple watch the sunset at the beach'
`Truly some beautiful scenes you are describing before your own eyes.. however, these lines got to be extremely lengthly for me and didnt carry the flow I had hoped for. The beginning started out flawlessly, but now I hit these long lines and although they hold so much imagery, it kind of hurt the poem for me.. I just felt like it was too drug out, maybe break the lines up a bit and make your stanzas longer.

'and yet this young person sits in the window
hoping their dreams were in their reach.'
`I personally would have capitolized 'this' because arent you trying to show emphasis that THIS young person is hoping their dreams were in their reach? Youre talking about you personally here, and I think with that emphasis there.. it would really work nicely. I loved what you said in these lines though, we all wish at times that our dreams were closer and we could make them come true.

'Looking out the window
one day hoping for a change'
`Liked this.. ties in what you said about how you feel as though your dreams are too far out of reach.

'Intoxicated drivers
killing people in a crash
crime in the streets
lives changing in a flash
wars over seas
families scared to death
teenagers doing drugs
involved in crystal meth.'
`Youve nearly summed up a lot of the world in these few lines.. indeed many of these things we wish to change ourself and it could be for many reasons, I like how you listed here the particular things you wish would change.

'Still looking out the window
the streets are black and white
everything seems so distant
and yet, it's all within their sight'
`I dont know if the repetiveness of looking out of the window is really necessary, I think we understand youre in the same place or you would have told us otherwise. I did however love how you said everything feels so distant, and in the beginning of your poem you did mention how you were looking down below, so this line really refers back to previous lines.. I like that.

'people losing their jobs
you can see fear in their eyes
a young couple lose their house
and all they can do is cry.'
`Truly thats whats going on in some lives right now, you are only speaking the truth.. many people lose their jobs and some have their houses foreclosed.. its only life and youve summed it all up nicely here.

'Looking out the window
realizing their life isn't so bad
that it could be worse
but for everyone else, they are now sad'
`You could put 'they are now sad' as its own line. I love your words here, absolutely you are 100% right about how we look at things and think they are so bad.. but really we could be sooooo worse off than we really truly are.

'But who is this young person?
as mysterious as can be
sitting in the window of distress
this person is just me.'
`I think we infer this from the start that youre the one sitting in the window, but I loved this regardless.. because of the way you incorporated your title into the last stanza.. it was great.

:] Welll done with this.
Sorry for being such a harsh critique.. only trying to help!

Great work though.

A really enjoyable poem but do not expect anything less from you.
Hope you don't mind just a few suggestions.

1st stanza
L8 - Are. instead of were

2nd Stanza
L12 - alternative, involving

3rd stanza
L4 - all within my sight
L8 - perhaps, and I can hear there pitiful cries,

4th stanza
Looking out the window
realizing their life isn't so bad
that it could be worse
but for everyone else, they are now sad

I personally think this does not flow right,
L4 - but for everyone else they feel sad or they are feeling sad?

5th stanza
last line, The person is me? perhaps.

Still worth a 5/5 though hope the suggestion help let us know Ray S

Aw! Sad story! Well I loved the way you made this sound, My one thing is...The flow wasn't right on just because there were different numbers of lines, and what not I'm kind of a freak on that stuff but very nicely written:)
5/5

Wow, for the words usage and the quality of the poem although the ending could have been written more powerful..just my opinion though..;)

Other than that, this piece was written with sadness and it has been and will always be distressing to witness all the things that is happening and yet to happen in this world..

Great work, it really makes you think. The rhyming is a little off sometimes but it's nothing too distracting. 5/5

This has everything I could possibly ask for in a poem. I can only offer praise and I like it just the way it is

Wow, that was excellent. I love the whole concept of "it could be worse." I guess it just provees that it could be worse. But do you ever wonder what the person says when they have the worse? Somewhere along the line it can't be any worse. I really like how you captured it. The rhyme scheme was pretty good, and the flow was off in a few places like near the end of each stanza. But it was excellent.

Soda. E>

Great job :) i loved it