"Let me taste that there,
Put it on my tongue,
Let me taste that pulse,
Our game just begun."

Okay, in the first line, instead of writing "there" have "soul" or something specific instead of just "there". I feel like it will be stronger.

Fourth line: In my opinion it would sound and read better if you added "has" after "game". But that's my view.

"Let me bite into that pearly white neck,
Let me love you fully ill be don't inna sec."

First line was good, nice descriptions.

In the second line: "ill" should be "I'll".

And the last part of the second line didn't make sense when read, so just go over that and reword it.

"Let me drain that heart,
Oh sweet tasty blood.
Let me love u
always have from the start..."

The first two lines: Wow, I love your wording, very scary to just think about it.

Third line: Clean this line up to this:

"Let me love you like"

Fourth line: Reword to this:

"I always have from the start."

"Oh sweet innocence.
Oh pouring blood.
So much i know
So much u should... "

The rhyming was not here, but it was elsewhere. Which kind of threw me off to be honest. Your "i" should be capitalized and your "u" should be written out "you".

I felt like those last two lines weren't a good strong ending, it wasn't what I expected. Try this:

"I know so much
But do you too?"

Or something to that extent, a question is a great way to end the poem. Its makes the reader really think.

4/5 from me, this has a lot of potential but can be worked on. Take care and God Bless You!

~MaryAnne

>>GREAT POEM, LOVED EVERY STANZA APART FROM THE LAST, IT DIDNT DO IT FOR ME LIKE THE OTHERS DID.<<

"Oh sweet innocence.
Oh pouring blood.
So much i know
So much u should... "
>>IS THIS THE ORIGINAL LAST STANZA??<<

>>TO BE TOTALLY HONEST - 'SO MUCH I KNOW, SO MUCH YOU SHOULD....WORKS BETTER THAN 'I KNOW SO MUCH,BUT DO YOU TOO'<<

>>STICK TO YOUR OWN WORK, TAKE ON ADVICE BUT DONT USE THE EXACT LINES OF OTHERS<<

Great job with all the power words though.

IBE
X

Umm i like it ... it kind of seems like u didnt finish with the last line