Comments : Heart of Grass.

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    This was such a sweet love poem Temps, the whole concept of it was very creative. Your descriptions were refreshing and vivid, of you plucking the grass and having it form a heart. You did a excellent job and sorry, but I don't have any suggestions! The ending was beautifully put and you expressed how you feel very well. Another masterpiece by you, thanks for posting! By the way, the title was very eye-catching, I was wondering what it was going to be about!

    5/5 from me, have a good summer.

    ~MaryAnne

  • 15 years ago

    by Sylvia

    I have to agree with the other comments. It is well written, flows well and a joy to read. You continue to grow. Keep up the good work.

  • 15 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Temps:)

    I could almost see you in front of me, you described this so well.
    In your poems I can clearly see you are growing, not only intellectually but also emotionally:)
    Beautiful job, dear girl.

    *hugs*

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 15 years ago

    by Gasttlee

    This is so deep, especially the part where you put I hope it reaches you. I just wrote a poem similar to that, to a love I had. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    Wow Temps, at first glance I thought this said "Heart of Glass" and something in my stupid turned, expecting the sameoldusual thing.
    But I was wrong, which I should of guessed I would be. :P
    Your title was adorable, perfect and well..I love it.

    From the first few words I had an image in my head, and I'm sure the image is different for everyone but for me it was extremely peaceful and reminded me of a time long ago. You know its a good poem when the first line can have you strolling through forgotten memories.

    The first thing though that stood out to me was your use of "green" in the first stanza, it really finalized the image. And thats why when I saw it used again in the second stanza it sorta broke my trance and made me reread.
    Maybe for the second stanza try something different--
    "holding the long strand
    of forest [grain] with my
    soft fingertips."
    `I dunno, its just an idea and it also keeps the same flow you were working on?

    The third stanza creating such a vivid image that I couldn't help myself, I just had to smile a biggg cheesy grin. It was so sweet, I love it.
    It created the loveydovey feeling in the love poem without making me feel sick, so great job.

    The last stanza...
    Well of course I loved it. But I thought it could shine more, as it is the final stanza. Maybe make a referance to the wind..how its flying to the person you love.
    You could keep the five line limit per stanza and break off the ending
    "[I hope that someday,
    it reaches you]". That on its own would end it perfectly, in my opinion.

    So maybe something like--
    "The breeze surrounds
    telling me its time.
    Slowly letting it go,
    I close my eyes,
    as it floats into the air."
    `Well, no, I don't like that but still you get the idea, yeah?
    Ah I hate when you're trying to say something but the words wont come out and I end up in a ramble, but I hope I made my point?

    I have to say, for a love poem, you did an excellent job. (:

  • 15 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    Your title got my curiosity
    Loved this as the imagery you paint drew me in,
    Carefully bending
    the flexible blade,
    into a small heart

    This part of the 3rd stanza of course answered my curiosity.
    The next two stanzas twanged my heart with it simplicity and its lovely sentiments'

    So once more I gave you a 5/5 Ray S