The storm within

I am in awe. This is definately one of my favourites! Its amazing. Talk about the imagery, the emotion! Very creative. Some minor adjustments as previously noted. Otherwise its a perfect description. Can't wait to show my girlfriend.

Your thoughts and word pictures are very well laid out. Seems this needs a bit of proof reading so score not as high as could be.
I would go back over the wording/punctuation as at times I feel your thoughts are being misrepresented ie:
first stanza lines 4 & 5, what/who is reaching?
second stanza line 2 "squishes". Line 3 what does "their" refer to?
Really think the semicolons need checking.

That exactly describe a storm. The way you portrayed it was so powerful like a whirlwnd, andi am still in daze of this head spinning piece.Although i would say that there were some lines that i think were necessary.Over all you did a good job..

This is a great poem, but it needs to be re-edit.
"My heart spills like the water falling above me.
Thunderous clashes form inside our bodies,
as the wind whips our hair; I'm left spinning.
Lightning surges up from my feet; reaching
the grayest of clouds form shapes above us.

The rain pours I feel it run down my face like tears.
Wet grass beneath my feet squish between my toes,
as soil is let up from their binding constrictions.
Each thunderous boom moves us closer than before;
Banging us together with every roaring clap.

Lightning that surges through my body evaporates;
lifting itself to the clouds then striking you again.
I feel my body vibrating in the hopes of touching you.
Each inch closer makes my head spin with the wind;
harder and faster grabbing at me as if I'm a tree.

Swinging from side to side in my own body,
I feel my essence flip and turn crazier than before.
All I want is for my storm to take over inside of you.
Swinging, lightning, thundering bodies form,
as you lift my chin with a luminous kiss".

I think that you repeats the same start in both two different stanzas, it just turns the poem off completely.
1."Lightning that surges through my body evaporates;"
2."Lightning surges up from my feet;". I think also you could change some words synonymes because certain words also turns off your write. Don't take this critic as a failure but a lesson.

Thanks for your comment on my poem also. Keep writing, 4/5, kel.

I sometimes give up on some of the poems I read as they require to much brain power to understand or they are so badly written that I just can't get my head around them.
At first I thought this poem was one as such.
As it appears to me that you have not read it enough times and edited it so that its flow is just so and that it truly makes sense. I know how easy it is to put pen to paper when a thought or a word sparks an idea for you to write and you rush in to capture either, thoughtless really of what you are writing. That is why you must edit, makes sense as then you can sort out the rushed mass on your page,
I am going to make some suggestions to try and sort out what I think is wrong and I hope you don't mind and it helps.

1st stanza
L1 - My heart spills like the water falling above me.
Does this make sense?
--------like the water falling on me. or falling down on me or the rain falling above me or falling above (us), as thee 2nd line seems wrong as you use a plural.
L5 - reaching the grayest of clouds form shapes above us.
A real tongue twister and brain tease, formed shapes? perhaps

2nd stanza
L1 - running down my face perhaps?
L3 - From its binding constriction

3rd Stanza
L1 - Lightning that surges through my body evaporates;
Try to make it make sense how does lightening evaporate? disperses,scatters,desolves, I like diffuses maybe?
L2 - lifting itself to the clouds then striking you again.
Me insteaad of you?
L3 - I feel my body vibrating in the hopes of touching you.
in hope of touching you, ?
L4/5 - Each inch closer makes my head spin with the wind;
harder and faster grabbing at me as if I'm a tree.
It just does not read right to me?
Your closeness makes my head spin like a wind grabbing me harder and faster,
As if I am a tree

5th stanza
L3 - All I want is for my storm to take over inside of you.
-------- to take you over.
L4 - Swinging, lightning, thundering bodies form,
With its-------------------body form,
L5 - as you lift my chin with a luminous kiss.
Do not like luminous to me it is a bit flat the end needs something more explosive to complete your storm theme.

Just some ideas as everybody reads a poem differently though as a poet all that really matters is how you feel but it is nice to know that sometimes you can reach an audience.

Ray S let us know what you think or if this was a help I will score it after.